Dairy Of A MadMan~ ["Psychedelic Violence Crime of Visual Shock"]

11/12/09

2009-12-11T23:03:00.002+08:00

SHIOK .
Chiong 4 theory lessons today, pretty much spend my whole day at SSDC.
Left TTT, RTT, lesson 5,6,7 ROAD and TP!!!

SAVING UP FOR BIKE!

One day , when you are riding down PIE with your girlfriend and your bike broke down. You pushed it to the road shoulder and wait for Tow truck. You don't not have a emergency triangle to place 20m behind your bike. And you wont use your Shoei helmet as a replacement. what can you do to warn other motorists about your ...presence?

Ans: ask your girlfriend to stand 20m behind your bike. ^^

9/12/09

2009-12-09T12:52:00.002+08:00

Damn long since i last post. Everyday work, hardly have time to blog. Sometimes abit lazy also.
Anyway i'm back from chalet. Class3/4 chalet actually, and i went to crash it.

It was fun, did lots of crap, especially at wild wild wet , played catching at the playground, LOL.
18 years old still playing catching.. I'm just young at heart i guess.

Played games in the room, drank some.
Went for night walk. played catching at the garden maze. again! LOL

Its a pity it ended so fast.

Looking at you two , i seem to be staring back into the past. I see me and her, when i look at both of you. I don't know why. It just sucks to feel this way.

17/11/09

2009-11-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

Fourth attachment already! so fast. Gonna work alone soon. Scary !

Today was at Palawan beach, not bad, 3 people at tower.

nothing much happen today, very little people, except got groups of teenagers.

then around 3, i went for my break. while walking past a group of gals, they suddenly waved to me, so naturally i waved back. then guess what, they all starting laughing and giggling -.-
I was like errr okay. then i continued walking loh. They were still laughing, so i turned then got one girl go like blow a kiss at me. lol. Didn't saw if pretty anot, cause i was wearing shades. But think quite pretty, wasted sia. nvr ask for number or go talk. was rushing to go eat. Nvm! there is always tml.

Weather was sunny and stuff then suddenly at 6.30 rain like shyt! freak sia!
Got wet in the end. Okay , must faster get bike then can ride home.

Hope tml would be better. Can't wait for diving! =(

Anyone going sentosa on whatever days tell me thru sms or call. i see can go find you anot =]

291009

2009-10-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

That day, if i asked you to stay, would you still hold on to my hand? Today, if i ask you to forgive me and all the wrong i did to you. Would you listen to my pleas?
I love you but i can't bring myself to tell you. Because i shouldn't have destroyed your dreams. Now that you have found your happiness, i should not be here begging you.
Which man does not desire for a prefect love? Thinking and looking at you now, just hurt me so much. But what can i do?

Headache! 6 more papers! LETS GO!

GRADUATION! 14/10/09

2009-10-15T22:40:00.003+08:00

Graduation DAY!

Its sucks in the morning. i was late-.-
Last day of school till must be late.
My hair got caught, WTH! last day alr!
Then i went to get it cut. FUGLY! this is the last time i am gonna cut my hair. As least till NS.

Got lots of things. Mars, pens and alot of things. From sch and mrs lim , ms lim.
Mr yap did not gave us anything. FYI.

Kinda of sad. But nobody cried. Guess we all knows how much they values this class.

The Ceremony includes, prize giving, class video, farewell speech by Mrs lim.( Mr yap just stood there ) Followed by finale song, then School Song.

So fast it seems. Its as though i just stepped into this school . 6 years ago. Not knowing anyone.
Now, Its time to leave. With the happy,sad memories.

So short it felts. The time we spent with each other. I hoped for more. But its the end of the road.

But its now the end of the journey. Everyone will go their own ways. Someday, we might meet again.

And so 1 mth more till i am free from O levels! Cant wait.
Right now, i guess i should make my own decisions. Not letting others tell me what to do.

121009

2009-10-12T23:24:00.003+08:00

All the bullshit , all the nonsense that we did together.
It would be history.
Everyone got to go their own ways. I miss my classmates.

Graduation Day on Wednesday. Can't believe it. I am finally graduating.
But its kind of sad. I won't get to see them anymore.

All the happy/sad memories that we shared. Sigh. Its finally coming to an end.
I wish we could be like what we used to were. United. Everyone together. Happy.
But this is just Life. My sec 4 year was screwed up. Sigh. Broken r/s. No one to Blame.
Just the Right PERSON AT THE WRONG Time?
No ones fault. Just wasn't mean to be, i guess.

Got to work after O's, training, and maybe diving.
I am thinking of working 5 days a week. LOL! earn alot of money, for clothes. Bike.

Aiming between 15-20 pts! PLZPLZPLZ!!

I guess she like someone already. Time to say goodbye, don't you think so?

Really don't wanna see the same ending in " tui hou" in my life also. Sigh. at least let it be a happy one.

我知道我们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过.

10/10/09

2009-10-10T00:07:00.003+08:00

Did not post due to being busy and not in the mood to blog.
Feeling damn pissed.

How can i move on when i am still in love with you? Freaking stupid. WTH!!

Why am so stupid . Still love that someone that doesnt like me , that just ignore.
Freak idiot? why should i care so much?

Good few more weeks and its BYE BYE till the day i get result.

So hard to find someone that you love and loves you too eh/

Retard. Sigh. my friends all finished their exams. All out cycling. I am stuck at home studying.
Tuition. School. Papers.

Blah blah blah. can't wait for O's to finish.
I must learn to be devoid of emotions.

1/10/09

2009-10-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

Screwed man!
And you never said goodbye.
1 week. 1 whole week..

I am the wind. i can be gentle i can be violent.
Sometimes i am a breeze. Other times i am nightmare.
Some people love to hate me. while others hate to love me.
I am what i am. Because wanting to be someone else is wasting the someone you are.
I am the change i want to see.

I want many things in life. But God told me no.
First i need to be contented with small things.

Live like today is your last day. when you wake up tomorrow morning. You know you are living on God's grace.

I'm gonna destress tml at Seoul Garden.

24 days to O level. I just can't focus! I MUST FOCUS!

270909

2009-09-27T23:27:00.002+08:00

I enjoy talking to you. But i can't helped but feel that you are too young. hmm well actually , we are both too young. Too young to fall in love.

Its true that they say Aries , esp those born on 7/4 would turn Cold blooded if they were hurt or let down in a r/s. i know that , because i am one.

Well, i guess i'm still enjoying my freedom. Riding , diving , drinking.
Maybe some day , i will put down my freedom and embrace Love?
Maybe.

Still in love with my dream bike! Ducati 848 =]
Its gonna be a tough period for me these 4 weeks. Gonna need every strength that i have in my body. its not easy being human, being me. Even Superman cries , so why can't i ?

And so, the hunter fell for the prey.

Fall asleep on a bed of roses. Is there any better way to die than to die in your arms?

240909

2009-09-24T23:05:00.002+08:00

i am losing interests in girls. Please don't tell me i'm turning gay! Girls and canned foods are similar. They have one thing in common: The statement that says " safety seal , don't accept if seal is broken " ^^

Broken seal is bad. expired is worse! LOL

Does most guys mind if their wife is not a virgin? I guess i most certainly do..
if your wife have like 6 ex, wont you like " wth?" LOL
Says so much abt her character. doesn't it?

Since you been gone by adtr is nice. LOL. * screams*

30 days to go, time to do smth for myself. =]

210909

2009-09-21T23:17:00.002+08:00

so tell me , how do you convince a perfectionist this world ain't perfect?
If you know, please let me know/

Finally decided to get rid of the wallet that has been in my cupboard for like? ermm more than 6 months? or around there. it just bring back sad memories whenever i see it. SO OFF WITH YOU! BYEBYE!
Giving it to HB.
But, what about the cards? guess i have to throw them away. don't keep something that ain't useful.

Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

What a quote! shown to me by hb.

sounds very true.

Darn! spent whole day practically doing nothing. like kept waiting for *ehem* to online. which never happen, sadly.
Anyway. 30 days to O level. Sigh. you know, deep inside i know that i would regret it somewhere down the road. Is it too late? i better start working on it then...

It has been some time... where should i start?

Still want an ink , krr150 and you =]

If you ain't a princess, be my mermaid =]

180909

2009-09-18T01:14:00.003+08:00

today i went to have sushi for dinner with mh, jin, mel, hb, pc, anges, xy and leonard. AT FUNAN IT MALL!
AND the funny thing is that, all the guys sit one side, all the girls sat on the other. And we didn't planned that. LOL

XY was late as usual. AND we had fun playing with the food [ adding wasabi inside tako yaki and try to trick xy to eat , but she was just too smart]
AND , we added soy sauce in PC drink. and he didn't know. the whole table was roaring with laughters! and pc still doesnt know. LMAO

Ate till i wanna explode LOL! 19 bucks per person. not bad.
After that went back admiralty. bought ASAHI 500ml =] nice.
Damn , my bank is empty now. Got to drink less. Sigh.

Is was fun and enjoyable. Hope to go our soon =]

Played a few rounds of SA before i update blog.
Those ppl no fight man, i tell you. LOL even though i suck. They sucks. HAHA

COOL, looking forward to another brand new day!

DID a QUIZ on FACEBOOK:
what does your birthday says about you. which i find it very true =]

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly... and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

//I need a new love, tell me how should i love you=)

150909

2009-09-15T17:25:00.002+08:00

This is the last try my dear, the angels and devil are calling me/ They will be here soon to take me away. This is the last i will say this, I still love... A breathe and i will be gone/

Angels or Devils
Very nice song, sent by sherman.

COOL! I'm gonna save up and get my first Ink =)

When she left, i had nothing left, only pictures of her back view. Slowly i know i would forget her appearance, whether i like it or not. My greatest regret. when you left, i cried like a baby

Those little things/

120909

2009-09-12T00:07:00.003+08:00

yeah very good. From today onwards i shall not Gamble. Gamble what , lose what. COOL

Anyway, you can't lose what you don't have, can you?
Love is a privilege. not smth i have.

Its a fun thing, and the fun part about it is that i don't get to enjoy it. heh
Just wanna drink more , smoke less.

Still prefer to be in a semi conscience state. its better this way. sometimes seeing things too clearly can be bad and disappointing.

Sigh, saving money for my bikes. and maybe a kayak/

I did the Facebook quiz for my birthday, and this is what they describe me, which i think is very true.

- Spiritual and God- fearing.
- Good looking.
- Cheerful and Enthusiastic.
- Ever ready to learn and try out new things.
- Serious ab...out life.
- Like to make others happy.
- Sensitive.
- Fun person.
- Clairvoyant.
- Nature lover.

COOL!
Xtreme for Life~!

I shall find that someone who would give me LIFE.

80909

2009-09-08T23:31:00.002+08:00

W

Went school today, only to be thrown out within 10mins by mrs kok. Reason? Eating outside canteen. COOL!

Dammit i've got to stop drinking so much. getting fatter and fatter. got beer belly alr!!! wth?
gonna slim down =]

Life is so boring =[ i need more fun! BRING ON THE FUN!

030909

2009-09-03T11:55:00.003+08:00

I guess in life , some people can only be your friends. Nothing more than that.

Hmm should i get a 848 or 1198s?
HAHA both are nice.

Onwards to my first tour~! not with a 2B of cuz!
First i shall get my krr150 first then save money!

Hmm.. maybe i guess its not yet time for me to settle down.
I shall give myself 7 more years to fool around/
But damn, i really wish to get married at 25. LOL

230809

2009-08-23T22:41:00.002+08:00

Sigh.
Tired of telling myself to move on, yet only failing miserably.
Its hurting me. i know. But i still hoped for stupid things. Pathetic isn't it?

Its like a knot inside me. tied up.
Feel trapped , just wanna break free.

i feel weak, wonder why. nothing can motivate me. not even looking at my favourite bikes and kayaks. sigh. something is wrong somewhere. seriously...

Suddenly don't even feel like swimming anymore. Even study too. Kind of serious i know.
Sucks. i hate feeling this.

Yeah go ahead and laugh.
Laugh at me being at my wits end.

God never favor me /

210809

2009-08-22T00:45:00.003+08:00

Nationals came and gone.

Managed to get into finals for all my events.
Its kind of a good news. yeah.
But the bad news is i did not get any medal.

Oh well.

Beach sprint relay last placing for finals.
Rescue Tube Rescue 5th placing. Difference between 3th 4th 5th very close.
But. lose means lose. Guess i just have to train harder after O level.

Taplin relay was kinda sad. 2th last in finals. Need to work on my kayaking skills.

Still looking forward to see the rest of the nationals photos which is inside XY's camera.

Right now. on the field beside my house. there is this msg formed by light sticks./ " i am sori " lol
Think so guy trying to win her gf back. didnt realise it till now. LOL think it is there very long alr.
Will the girl forgive him? Maybe yes maybe no.
But not bad uh. the guy quite smart also, copy from TV drama. Hope it does work.

Dang. i'm gettting addicted to BoA. ZOMG!
Quite nice uh. But none of my fren listens to her music. LOL!

Roar of a lion , Strength of an elephant , Agile of a gazette.
Like the 300 , we came to prove a point.
Who say Team B will always lose to Team A ?
Beat that! Beat this...
THIS IS SPARTA!! WHOO YEAH!

140809

2009-08-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

Its farewell then my dear.
I guess there is no one to blame.

Delete? Yes.

Erasing every memories we have ever shared.

Hope the next time would be the best.
God i leave it to you.

Tml theres Science mock pratical exams. Sigh. There is nationals too. Argh.
Got to rush down after the exams.
Sunday also have. Rescue tube rescue, taplin relay.
Really afraid to let the team down. Esp the relay.

Many things happened in school this term. Our last year tgt. Hope it would be the best!

Recently hooked on to FATED TO LOVE YOU. Very nice , imo. all should watch it.

Hmm think thats all. I think i would be back to blogging often soon. To destress also.
But its scary to know that teachers stalks student's blog too. creepy people.

It would be nice to have a medal this nationals.

Also it would be nice to go out have have fun!

Bye~!

080809.

2009-08-08T09:54:00.002+08:00

1st Chapter-

Its been some time/
I really don't know what to say. These past few months is a torture for me. A struggle.

Past the time when playing and fun is everything.
I've decided to get serious and settle. But why can't it turn out well?
What did i do to deserve this?

I think i just crushed my own happiness.
Its sad, i know.

Now i just wish i can turn back the time.
My happy ending?

--- Diary Of A MadMan ---

080709

2009-07-08T21:26:00.004+08:00

Picture from Nus: Water Sapiens

Note: Zhi ming and pradeep was wearing couple outfit. LOL

Water Sapiens with Meridan JC

A coffin, flowers and a whole lot of tears.
Thats what you see at a funeral.

Life does seem so fragile at times.
Again it all comes down to this:
Cherish people and things around you. Especially good peoples.
Sometimes, the best things in life are given to us FREE, maybe that is why we always take it for granted. And not cherish it.

I'm currently sick now, having a flu. if i still don't recover by tomorrow morning, then i guess i would seeing the doctor.

So i guess its back to school for me. There goes my Apple badge.

Was it love ? it must have been love. But i guess its all over now.

To: you know who you are.
At least you guys quarreled over small issues and its nothing serious. And still patch back up by the end of the day.[Mine was a total nightmare fyi.] Give him some slack, he has improved compared to last time. And oh, btw, we have stopped making fun of him and his, EHEM, you know what. So i think you should be glad. Just want to say i envy you guys a lot!

Just wish i could turn back the time.

Oh well, i guess i should concentrate on my events, lesser the distractions, the better it would be.

2/07/09

2009-07-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

Bus 1!
Took this while waiting for the ferry to Tioman. The time was like 12 plus or 1 plus in the morning? LOL
Oh yeah! i haven blogged abt tioman, have i?

Okay, here is it.
We met 8 pm on thursday night. Took the bus from emily's house to woodlands check point.
After that, we talked trash in the bus, rest. And about 1and a half hours later, we stopped for supper at kota tinggi. Ate burger, satay and drank milo.
After it was back to the bus again. On the way to the ferry terminal, we went pass a mini funfair, with ferris wheel!! Its a miniture version of coz! But its still quite cool.
So we waited for the ferry at the terminal, and we slept on the way there.
When we reached there, it was pitch black, 3 plus am. Hello! LOL
The guy from the resort came to fetch us. And we slept in a temp room till 7 plus, and we ate breakfast.
After breakfast, we check into our actual rooms. not bad. got air con somemore leh!
Then we played games, and when we are done, we threw ppl down into the sea! and play with water bombs! We did abit of snorkelling on the first day, near the jetty, There was sea urchin! lots and lots of them. Omg so scary!

So fun being close to the corals.
After we got tired of it, we went up the shore, and i transformed back into human form.
We went for a bit of exploring of the island. To check out where can we buy food and stuffs.
Second night, PC and i tried to sleep at the beach, but i became very cold, and there were sand flies, so we went indoor,

The next day we went snorkelling, very cool! all the fishes, sea urchin and coral! Oh saw a school of what looks like sword fish. Not fully grown. thank goodness.

The trip was very refreshing and enjoyable, hoping to go again!

Another week coming to an end. haven train yet. Nationals is in August. Couple of weeks away only.

Oh yeah, btw. Mr yap has my IPod. sigh. he caught me listening to it during recess in class.
Well, thats 1 whole month without IPod. Maybe i can learn not to depend so much on it.

Blah blah, tons of homework to complete. Tsk
I am amazed at how little arguments between couple can bond them.
LOL. just can't stop laughing at it.
Its like the best game God has ever created? ROFL

1/7/09

2009-07-01T01:33:00.000+08:00

Line throw, 16 sec. plenty to improve on.

If only?
Like a lost sheep looking for it's shepherd. Father, i'm coming home now.

I want to move on. but i guess i cant. Too weak. sigh..
Mere words that caused my defences to crumble.

Kept listening to worship songs, hoping it would help.
God, please show me the way out of this..

26/06/09

2009-06-26T22:20:00.002+08:00

R.I.P MJ the king of pop.

TML is NUS!!! OMG SO scary!!

Although its only 1 event for me, but i just gets jumpy knowing that.
Rope throw. sigh, still need to work on my speed and the reeling in of HJ.
Please dun let my rope tangle!!
Looking forward to the WS dinner after that!! (=

School starting soon. still missing her a lot. sigh, how am i going to pass the every second and moment in school.. I still love her alot. But does she ?

20/6/09

2009-06-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

Its been close to a month since i blogged.

I would be wrong for me to say that i did not have the time to blog.
Even though i had extra lessons and Tioman trip, i perfectly know that i have the time to blog.
Just that i chose not too.

Firstly my habit would kick in, and i would surely click on the link to her blog.
Secondly, i would surely feel a mixture of emotions after reading her post.
Still struggling to face the reality. I did not even dare to ask abt how she is. Was afraid that her friend might tell her i asked. But tell me , does it matters?

She looked kinda of happy and everything. Thats wonderful.
Would i be able to manage my emotions when school reopens? I hope so.

Forever and ever? Till death do us apart? those are the words i would really want to say to her./ I would pay any price.

I just need something to numb the pain. I'm in no condition to love her anymore, at least for now. Just observing from afar. Not daring to be close to her anymore. Don't wanna hurt her anymore. Just want her to be happy.

Seen couple of break ups recently. actually one struck me.
Could that be love? Maybe they are just too young. Way too young for something so amazing and divine..

I guess the kind of world that i dream of does not exist.

Perhaps it is possible only in the heavens. Beyond the clouds.

还想为你摇秋千
对着夕阳扮鬼脸

God? why can't you just return her to me?
If there is anything that i can do, i want to be with her.
If there is anything i can wish for, i want to be with her forever.
If there is only one thing in my life that i can have. She would be the one.

Maybe she has forgotten abt me alr.

Tioman was fun! like a paradise for me. Love it. Actually my dream is to live in Australia near the beach. It would be awesome!
I want go back again! This time for diving! And not forgeting drinking.
Sigh, only alcohol and " magic sticks " keeping me accompany now. I missed the past too much.
Being alone, being without her just isn't living.

Won't be posting pictures on my blog. It would be on my facebook.
Argh! JIM! and ELAINE! you two and Pradeep are going to get it from me!!! DISTURB ME when i'm asleep!!

A storm is approaching, i better find shelter....
The wind is getting restless. A violent gale blowing this way...

300509

2009-05-30T21:34:00.010+08:00

Books

More books! i wish to have the whole set of the twilight series!

This is where i keep important stuffs:
i like the miller beer, i would try to get somemore.
The bear that enid bought from Australia
The white sheep that has become cream colour, that was from above.
And other stuff like, sermon books, bible and the very unique PRECIOUS MOMENTS bible.
Its very nice. A good choice for a gift. Its costly too. The last time i checked.

Nice sticker! I Have no idea where i put my stress ball. * Yawn*

Bored! *laughs* that is why i took those random shots.

Friday! which is yesterday, went for blood donation!
I was painless, liked they have promised. I wasn't afraid of the pain. After all, what could be more painful that what i've been through. And endured.

The wounds are healing up fast, but occasionally it will tear and bleed.

After that, went to collect the tequila from the blog shop owner at admiralty.
At night, when to drink with dawn and friends. Thank goodness they never open bottle. If not we all would have a hard time. Only 3 of us drank, and we order a tower of beer.
Though i drank more that i can i'm supposed to drink , i am still sober enough to feel the pain. sigh.

Can't wait for Tioman.

I need to find back my element of fun.

Today! i went to Changi airport with , yu juan, yu kai, denise and rui qi.
Ate breakfast at cwp first, and we took a bus there, 858 i think.
Slept on the bus, was extremely tired. Went to T3 initially, but proceed to T2 after discovering that T3 doesn't have much stuff to see.

In the end, we didn't even studied. * laugh out loud*
Nobody had the mood to study. And so we after walking about aimlessly in T2 for a good 45 minutes, we went to Tampines. walked around for 10 odd minutes and decide to find some place to rest our legs. We settled for a donut cafe. i have no idea whats the name. J.CO i think.
Anyway , we sat there and talked trash. * laughsss* Yeah and the girls were complain that the guys were too quiet, actually they were just plain noisy. * Laugh out loud *

After that, denise went to bugis to look for issac. Yu juan and yu kai went off too.
So i took 969 home.
Was very very tired. Bathe and slept till 7.30

listened to many nice songs today.

心動 is one of them. 感动天感动地 is also another nice song.

And of coz

爱.无力 by 潘嘉丽

Actually i have alot to type. I even saved it. Guess i should not post it, esp after seeing the situation today. Sigh.. longing to break free.

We can't even be friends. Another regret to add into my life.

She has so many guys that like her. She wouldn't even feel anything even if i disappeared from her life..
The reality. Heavens will.

250509

2009-05-24T22:58:00.002+08:00

Went working yesterday at Keppel club. Its somewhere near vivo city. Rushed down from yishun straight after class.

First of all the facilities at the club was excellent, i must say. Jacuzzi was awesome, went for a dip after work.

Well the club is pretty much quiet except for the 3 hrs which there are swimming classes.
The view there was breathtaking, beside the pool is the beach. How cool can it gets?
But at times, it gets boring. nothing much to do. Its a pity i did not bring my camera down ytd to take photos. NEXT TIME!

So after work, i went to a bar in Sembawang to get a drink with some friends. 2 of them actually.
Was thinking of just getting a drink , ended up getting 2 jug. *Laughs*

They said next week they would wanna open a bottle. As much as i wanted to join them, i think i have to pass. I'm donating blood this coming Friday. * laughs*
If i were to join them, i guess they would have to send me home * More laughs*

Alright! so today morning i helped out for the Northwest CDC volunteer thing at yishun. I was damn amazed that i could actually crawl out of bed this morning, after sleepng so late last night.

Okay, today we were supposed to collect information from the residents regarding their electricity bills or something like that. Basically just survey. Some residents reacted very badly, negative. or should i put, simply uneducated. * winks at max and Cheng Jiun * *Laugh very hard!*

After a hard day of work, we gathered at the RC and eat! Almost everyone ate double of what they usually eat. Starving and tired from all the stairs we had to climb.

I hope emily changes the dates for tioman to 12~14. Its better, and more people would be able to go too!

Yeah! i found another SUPER DUPER NICE song!
Been finding this song for a very very long time. heh
Super meaningful! Esp the chorus part * laughs *
Its called.......///

新不了情
作词:黄郁
作曲:鲍比达

心若倦了泪也乾了
这分深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮暮与朝朝
*这一分情永远难了愿来生还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何厮守到老怎样面对一切我不知道
#回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不掉为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了今夜的你应该明了
缘难了情难了

http://www.st020.com/geci/30135.htm
*tsk! i almost highlighted the whole lyrics! LOL silly me! laughs*
*anw the whole song is nice! haha must sing must sing!!*
* More laughs*

TIOMAN TIOMAN TIOMAN!
I'm gonna bring my camera!
And i'm gonna drink till i drop!
And study too! *laughs, then act serious*
*Laugh out loud*
BYE BYE~!

210509

2009-05-21T22:43:00.002+08:00

You can't tell people who much you Love them, You can only show.
My Love just didnt't touched her. Thats all i can say.

Baidu sucks. I still cant find the song "it wasnt meant to be"

Exam results very pathetic. Have to face it alone.
Sigh..
Why Why Why did we ended up this way? Me and my itchy mouth, but does letting you go makes you feel better? I wish i never existed. All the awkwardness and Silence.

Though she sat just next to me, it seems like we are miles apart.
The silence that seems so loud. Tried to talk, she was not interested in talking to me.

That grave mistake will continue to haunt me till the day i die.
3 words that changed my life.

Pathetic! Me and my dying heart. Like a withering rose.

Because we are having problems stepping out of our comfort zones.
或许是我们缺少勇气不敢踏出彼此的安全区
I left mine, only to be led my the hand into yours. But i was left outside, a invisible barrier between us. How dramatic? heh. sigh.

I guess she never felt how much i love her. That barrier that kept everything outside.
Through this i've changed alot, even i felt it. Sigh..

Those weary eyes, and his tired expressions.
Depressed, from the constant stress. i don't sleep well anymore, since the day you left.
Sad, from losing someone he love dearly. you are gone, out of my life.
Drained, from those sleepless nights. cant sleep without you next to me
Those scars buried, so that she would never see it.
Alone, because he only wants her.
Quiet, because he is thinking what he has now.
He thought he was mature enough for this, to be in a serious r/s.
All he wanted was for this to be his first and his last.
He love her too much to lose her.
Now he has made the commitment not to love anyone else except...
Hurting more than what his mere expressions can ever display..
Because without her, there is hardly any life in him. Hiding the real him behind a mask like everyone.

The truth is, he has never love anyone that much. And it hurts him more than he could every express. His heart, dying as the days goes by, colder it gets too.. He is old enough to know what he wants. Sigh, but the cruel reality destroyed his happy ending.
He is tried of writing with his blood.

The love that i had, that slipped through my fingers like sand.

An emotion breakdown is what he is going through right now. Because it LOVE, because he love her too much..

200509

2009-05-20T22:49:00.009+08:00

This is what i ate

Each time i tried i fail. I don't know what else works..

Today i went to Bollywood veggies with the O level F&N class. Ate lunch there, Mdm Aishah's treat.
Took some pictures only, because wasn't in the best of moods. During the guided tour , did not have the time to take pictures, because was busy putting things into my mouth. like dill, this blue flower thing, and the horse reddish tree leaves. The guide said these are all right to be consumed. That led me to this phrase, " what doesn't kill me just builds me."
And i thought to myself: what if i kills you? Then so be it. It better. Kind of sadistic, yeah i know.

Having headaches recently, they come and go..

I think i'm gonna have to miss my tioman trip. I dun believe it. Sigh. what else can i live for??

I so so tired, the love that i always believed has gone.

Still struggling deep down.
Perhaps if i had a gun, i would shoot myself.

190509

2009-05-19T23:38:00.006+08:00

Another nice song to share!

林忆莲 It Wasn't Meant To Be

歌名:It Wasn't Meant To Be
所属专辑:原来...林忆莲
所属歌手:林忆莲
或许是我们缺少勇气
不敢踏出彼此的安全区
或许是思念情绪
美得让人质疑
多可惜我们还是
免不了得放弃

it wasn't meant to be
事到如今我只能安慰自己
it wasn't meant to be
事到如今只能说
我们无能为力
可是你我心底
清楚明白这份爱若坚持走下去
我们会在一起
it wasn't meant to be

遗憾我变得小心翼翼
关于你的话题尽量回避
但难免有人好奇
关心起我和你
怕唤起记忆一概回应
心想好的一句
it wasn't meant to be

与你分离说好那天不下雨
我心都快碎了
怎么忍住哭泣

Can't stop singing today.

Blood donation 29/5
Seriously, have you ever seen a vampire going for blood donation. Must be freaking Funny.

I'll be looking forward to see how much blood i have left in me after it.
And of course, the colour of my blood. Crimson red i guess. Or a very dark red.

Time to live for myself.
For eternity?

Whats left is a Ice mountain and a heart that has gotten frozen in the process.
Avoiding it, avoid memories, avoiding you.

180509

2009-05-18T23:06:00.002+08:00

YEAH finally finished F&N coursework A!
YESYES!
Muscle ache! ARGH! gone too long without really exercising.

Like this quote very much

你的起点
也许是我永远到不了的终点.

Picking up the pieces that cuts me like glass.
Blood stains all over the floor.

Darn! I want a sea kayak! hahaha!

我不停的追逐,
那黑色的幸福.
就像是蒙上眼睛追逐你的路.

170509 PART 2

2009-05-17T22:39:00.002+08:00

Basket! Super tired! Damn crap!
LOL
Can't blame anyone. Suppose to sleep at 3. Toss and turn, ended up 4 then sleep. I'm sure amazed that i managed to crawl out of bed today at 6! 2 hrs of sleep!

Today training was fun! Did boards. I hate the stupid tapes they use to protect the board! ZZZ sticked to my sun suit! ARGH! %&*(!

Anyway after that , i went to eat, subway. After which follow Jim to collect his race kit.
Then when back to sentosa to do focus. yawns!

My Job: follow 7 " ang mohs" in a kayak. They doing kayaking for the first time i think. heh.

After that went home.
She still did not sms me. Heh. *slap*x2 LOL!
Its time to move on. To erase her from my memory?
Finally found that song i kept humming when doing boarding. LOL.
Just can't stop singing!! Lets go party world!

I WANT GO TIOMAN! I WANT KIDS!

LOL today on the train back, got this kid with big eyes, kept staring at me! LOL
Cute! basket, wonder when i would have my own. Yawns, time to hit the sack! (=

170509

2009-05-17T02:22:00.002+08:00

Things to do:
Drink less, drink more plain water. I don't wanna die of liver failure. heh
I guess i should stop smoking that shit. heh.
Save money, theres alot of stuff i wanna buy.
Get ink on my arms. heh/
I want like 10000000 kids? ROFL!

Things not to do:
Loving anyone now. Heh. Trying to keep my distance from girls.
Not that they are bad or what, just keeping my distances. heh

OMG! I really am addicted to kids. Sigh. thats both good and bad.

Bad, i'm still single, not even married. Yawns.
Loving kids is a good thing isnt it?
Hmm i wondered, if i have kids next time, how would they look like?
OMG! i just can't stand it!

TIOMAN TIOMAN! lets go already! OMG i want to go like NOW!!
DIVE! FLY! RIDE! =D

If what you wrote is for me, then again, this is for you.
If you dun wanna to say goodbye, just tell me. I would stay. No matter what. I promise, and i wont break it no matter what.

140509

2009-05-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

Even rose has thorns.
I touched the thorns before i got to the flower. ( yellow rose means leaving, farewell. It suits well, i must say. )

When you look into the eyes of someone you have lost.
Tell me about losing a love one. Heh.
i know that feeling.

I'm tired of writing with my blood.
I'm sick of having to feel heart broken every now and then.

Kept smelling the fragrance of her hair. Strawberry. Very bothering, seems to be following me.
When i told a friend, she said this means that i miss that person alot. How true. Heh

It was all a lie ? Your promises?
Guess i was too naive to believe that happy endings like this truly exists.
The smile when you tore me apart.
" Dont bother what others say. As long i love you and you love me " sounds familiar? heh.
Its not your fault anyway. Its mine. Too young, too naive, too much a fool.

I should stop loving for now. Maybe for a long long time.

Time to break free, break away from this chains that are holding me down.
On the journey to self discovery.

My beliefs shattered by your very words
My Dreams destroyed before my very eyes.
My Life in ruins.

130509

2009-05-13T16:46:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just feel like slapping myself and say " you better wake up your idea, she dont love you anymore!" that i guess would be good. Could somebody do that to me? thanks.

Why is it so hard to find someone who love you?
Will they really know what the answer to love really is?
Can you really tell me what love is?
Tell me about it when i'm sober.

I would always ask, wheres the love she promised?
But not delivered. Sigh..

Let tears wash away the illusions and pain.
Let every drop of it heal every inch of my heart.
Tsk. Sometime i hate myself. Why am i a coward?
I should end this feeling long ago.

A silly little thing called love that can destroy you from inside out.

------------------------------- Cherish Love------------------------------------
Once a upon a time, in a land far far away. There was this princess who was very beautiful, elegant and everything nice you could think of. Her dad, the king one day invited all the rich handsome princes from all over the land. The king wanted to choose a suitable husband for her daughter.

Hiding behind the curtains was a young man. He was average looking, a servant of the king.
He love the princess very dearly, and he wishes to marry her someday, but sadly he is neither rich nor handsome.

When all the princes arrived, they all presented the princess with gifts and flowers. Telling her how pretty and wonderful she is.. All their sweet talks..

The servant hid behind a tree and observed from afar.

Finally the the princess chosen prince H, because his sweet talks was the best, and so was his gifts.

The wedding was to be held the next day.

That night, the lowly servant crept into the princess bedroom.

He confessed to the princess about his feelings for her. And gave the princess a stalk of red rose.
And a small golden ring that he had brought with his entire savings.

The princess after hearing what the servant had said, told him to get lost.
She asked if he have any expensive presents for her, he said no.
She asked if he have huge palaces, he said no.

She then asked him. " so what do you have for me?"
The servant replied " My love for you, with is true and sincere"
The princess then said, what good is your love? i cannot see it.
The servant then replied." but you should have felt it?"
The princess said' i believe in what i see ' and he dismissed the servant.

Poor servant, who was heartbroken left the room and hid in the stable to cry.
After a few hours, he when out to purchase a red heart-shaped box, planning to give the princess another gift she could not refuse.
The new day, the princess attendant delivered a heart-shaped box to the princess.
On the box there was a message " to my beloved princess"
The princess, thinking that it was a gift from prince H , ripped open the box.

In the box, there was an object, being wrapped in a red cloth. With a note written in red ink, placed on top of the object. Puzzled, she opened the note. This was what the note says,
Dear princess,
I could not afford any expensive gifts like the other princes, i am not good with words, i cant make you happy all the time. I cant sweet talk like other guys out there. But my love you is real and genuine.
This is the greatest gift i could afford. I hope you would like it .\
Because you cant feel my love, today i have to show you.
- your servant,
A

The princess put aside the note and touch the cloth containing the package.
Its still wet!
And she examine her fingers.
It didnt felt right.
She uncover the cloth, only to see a human's heart in the box.
She finally realised what has happened. And she stab herself in her heart....

----------------------------------THE END------------------------------------------

Sometimes love should just be measured by how much you see it. Use your heart too. Not your eyes all the time..
Its just something i thought of today during maths test. Was very emotional suddenly.
Learn to cherish what you have now, so that you would not regret it.
Love is something i should avoid now.

Darn music at her blog made me sad. Should not visit it that often i guess.
Sigh. why must things turn out this way!!!!! ARGH!! if only i could dig my heart out too.

090509

2009-05-09T17:12:00.005+08:00

I have stopped believing in fairytale endings since she left.
hah.. maybe its time to grow up, to wake up.
That such wonderful and happy ending would not exist for me.
Growing up is hard, esp when her words cut me like razors.
"i just want to be friends with him" heh. that is so impossibe, i'm sorry to say.
Its such so difficult for someone who is your lover to be just a friend. Heh
Maybe you can. But for me, i can't do it.

有一种爱叫作放手

Letting go, it could do us both good. I would not feel that much pain. You would not have to listen to the never ending words of me telling me how much i love you, blah blah.

One of my friend said , don't give up, if not you would regret.
I told her, i would not give up. Just that this is too much for me to handle, i'm feeling very drained... I need a break, how long? maybe 1 day , 1 week , 1 month, forever? Perhaps the pain would vanish quietly. I hope.

Will update more when i get back.

~~~~EDITED~~~~

回忆过去,痛苦的想死,忘不了

绝口不提爱你郑中基

绝口不提爱你
词曲:黄中原
http: www.feiyes.net

闭上眼睛忍住呼吸
暂时要和世界脱离
就快要学会不再想你
却听见不断跳动的心

我允许了你
让爱的自由还给你
我允许了自己
承受这悲伤到天明

我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
总是以为终究化作云淡风轻
爱你到底
痛了自己

我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
所有结局在这夜里都已成形

爱到了底
痛的是我的真心.

Today i had tuition from 9 to 1. Followed by soccer game at yishun.
Friday i had F&N practical exam. Was very nervous, did not know if it would go smoothly, but in the end , i guess it did.
Then before the exam, i saw her while walking down to the stairs. She just finished her Principle of accounts paper. When i saw her, i did not look at her directly , i'm sure she did not too. Pain liked hell, i quicken my pace and head for the washroom. Talk to her is painful, not talking keeps me worrying. Nice feeling.

Maybe its time i get back to my old self. Being used to be alone. Perhaps that would be better for both of us.
Defeated by the mere memory of a guy who betrayed her, She didn't trust me i guess. If not i would not be this way.

All i have left to do now is to finalize the decision making and print it out. Oh, evaluation too.
Oh yeah, yesterday was Huabin's birthday, we went to Fish & Co, glass house. The dinner was nice, esp the birthday song! " kok" hahaha... i'll try to get some pics from facebook if possible. HAHA! i have just joined it today, because i was bored, facebook looks cool, will update it tml.
So anyway, went drinking at clark quey. Its kind of disappointing, did not enjoy it, did not drink much. Maybe i could go drink with PC someday. hah.

A beat-less heart that bleeds? All because of you...
Shattered heart, Broken soul, Distorted mind.

040509

2009-05-04T22:05:00.006+08:00

040509

If its any other girl, i'll let her walk away. But you are not.
Any other girl , i'm sure i'll be okay. but i'm not.

IF getting on my knees would bring her back, i'll do it.

Smile when you're around, cry when we're apart.

When one is happy, the other would surely be sad.

When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options, How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it?
If it was someone you truly loved? - Breaking Dawn.

Saving up for Air supply concert on 19 jun.
Bad time, O's coming.
Maybe i would go next year, if they decides to hold it again..

This was taken quite some time ago.
We went to watch My Bloody Valentine 3D at Orchard.
The picture was kind of blur, very dark in there.
Thats me on the left and Enid on the right.
The 3D glasses was cool. Cant wait for another 3D movie.

Saturday i when to watch Friday the 13th with PC and MH. Quite nice too. I find it more of a R21 show than M18. LOL if you know what i mean..

Looking forward to this friday. It would be fun i hope. Not gonna drink much. Just chill and hang out.

030509

2009-05-03T10:45:00.004+08:00

030509

Lying beside you, i wish that time would stop.
Looking at you, i want to freeze that image in my mind forever.
Thinking about you, i wonder if forever is possible?
Here without you, seeing you suffering, i think i should disappear for awhile.

I would be like i have never existed.

If Edward leaves, Bella would surely find Jacob.

Would you feel better this way?

Between The one that you love and the one that loves you. Who would you choose?
I would choose the one that i love.

If what you have wrote is for me, then the following is for you.
If its not, then i just a string of words with no significant value or meaning.

Just a simple word of asking me to stay would do the job. Why cant you say it? i can't force you.
I'm not that kind of romantic guy that knows how to sweet talk and stuff.
I would never have tot of putting the sign ily under your block..
It doesnt matter anymore does it?
The silence isn't just killing you alone. Its hurts me more that i show.
But if you would feel better with the silence, then i will bear all the pain and suffering.
Just when i tot i was over you, just when i tot i could stay on my own. Those memories came crashing through,
and i just can't go on without youuu..
I would rather hurt myself then to make you cry. theres nothing else to say, but goodbye.

300409

2009-04-30T16:11:00.002+08:00

300409

I haven been talking to her since monday i think..
All i had in mind was to disappear from her life totally. After all the suffering i gave her.
I decided maybe that was the only way to work.
Sadly it did not worked. I did not talk to her for the first two days..
Yesterday i cant helped but turn her page for her. And today i sat infront of her during maths class.
All 3 of us were talking. Paolo, her and me. Well technically we arent talking, i was talking to Paolo only. And she talked to Paolo too only. Paolo talked to both of us. Its kind of complicated, i know.
Not talking is not because i dun love her anymore.
Its because i dunno what else i can do that would not hurt her.

I did not know what else i can do, other than this.

Morphine addicted is hard to break. I know.
Paolo said the way to break addicition is to use another to replace.
Why what could be more addicitive than Morphine?
I've been through it. Lasted four days only, my Will to leave her.

Four days. I don't have the mood to study. Very bad.
but now, the drive is coming back. I've managed to clear my thoughts.

I wondered why it hurt so much. My friends doesn't seem to have this problem with break ups.
Why do i feel this way then?
Then James said something very true: 痛,应为认真.
He has been thru what i am going thru, and he understands, thank goodness.

Some people tells me, young. Its alright. After awhile, you would not feel the pain.

But i guess i'm not young anymore right?
I was serious, i guess that was what made it hurt the most.

If you said that you hate me rushing for a r/s. Then i'll tell you thats because i'm afraid of losing you. But i guess it doesn't matters anymore.
I won't bother you anymore, when i'm gone.

Disappearing from her life.

Recently i've been listening to this beautifully composed song by V2
Heres some of the spoken passages that i love.

I'm afraid I have to go now, love, because I have to find my heart of truth.

What? What did you say? What are you trying to say? Are you okay?

I think so, I think I am.

What's wrong with you?

I was only thinking about my life.

Your life? Now? Are you with me? Why do you have to think of your life right now?

I'm not sure. But I have to be somebody.

Why? Don't you love yourself? Don't you love who you are?

I don't know. I cannot explain. But I can tell you one thing- I don't want to lose myself in the tide of time.

I don't understand what you're saying. Maybe you are out of your mind. Do whatever you want to do. Oh, where are you going?

I'm gonna go and stop the flow of time. Though I don't know where.

aa kono mama de nemuritai
subete toki o tomete
kanashiku tokeru koori no you ni
futari shizuka ni dakiatte

We see the nights
We see the lights
yoru no sakebi hoshi e todoke
eien o kanjita like heaven
ano oka ni noboru yume o mite ita

Hi, I'm so sorry. Sorry to have kept you waiting.

Not at all. But you have to tell me where you've been.

Do I? I don't have to tell you. You know where I've been. I haven't been a reflection in your eyes, but I've been living in your heart.

Are you asking me to kill you?

No, just kidding. Actually, I've been wandering between reality and illusion.

260409

2009-04-26T09:50:00.006+08:00

Yesterday i think i was being too harsh towards her. I am very very sorry if i have hurted her with me words. And caused her to be angry.

When she told me that she is going out with him, i felt sad.
By natural, i should be happy for her, but the devil in my heart tells me a different story.
Till today, i'm still doing my best to earn her trust, sadly i haven't earn it yet.
She would be my first and my last.

I should set her free. i shouldn't be so posessive of her. Like a control.
maybe its because i dun wanna lose her?
Its hard to kick the addiction of morphine. Maybe i'll just put a bullet in my head.

I serious do not know what she wants. Maybe thats why we are not tgt anymore.
Maybe she would be better off with other guys.
If she needs me, i'll just be a phone call away. Whatever she wants, i'll do my best.
Till maybe the day she found her true love, which i hope would be her next. I do not want her to be hurt again and again.

I've shown everything inside of me, but that still did not touched her or earn her trust to me.
I would keep her in prayers. Stay happy, be safe....

yesterday i watched the movie ' saving private ryan' it is a excellent show. i love it. cant helped watching it again and again.
Exams soon. Supposed to go study tgt with her today, but sadly uh, i think its not gonna happen.

Some things you would never do with me. I supposed.
I dunno if you love him. I do not dare to ask.

I feel sad seeing you happy this way. i know i'm being selfish. But i dunno what else i can feel.
we could never go back to the past. But i still stupidly wished that we were still tgt. Trying to keep the hopes alive. Seeing you leave, yet i have to put on a smile. Seeing you being happy, i should, and would feel happy for. I dont know if i ask you to stay, would you? I don't want to be selfish and self centred. What if an angel fell in love with his mortal? I think its eternal death for him... Shh go to sleep. wait , can i have another shot of morphine please? I think then i'll go in peace.. thank you......

OMG this is killing me. Its exams and yet i'm not in the mood to study.
its not your fault , its mine.

~~~edited~~~
This may or may not be my last post.
People, if you are reading this, please dun go and ask her or judge her, it wasn't her fault.
Its solely mine. I didnt cherish her.. Thank you very much.

Its over i guess. Maybe its time to back off and leave.
But one word , just one word and i would turn back.

Here are some photos taken during the adam khoo workshop.
Thank you Yi Tian.
i know its not much, but its the least i have. The last few pieces of my happy memories..
I hate forcing her. Nobody likes being forced. I wouldn't force her anymore, after today..
How long would i last without morphine. I kept asking myself.

Probably the last time you would ever see me smile so happily

I thank God for the short time we've spent tgt.

Go on, be happy. stay safe. hope you find someone that you truly love and he loves you back... i hope he loves you more than anything is this world. i hope that he would be what ever you wish he would be. Your prince charming. though i cant have a happy ending, i hope you can have it. Someone who cherish you like diamonds. Someone who would give you the stars in the sky and pearls from the oceans. Someone who would lay down his life for you. Someone who would Love you till his last breath. If you ever need me, (which i hoped you wont) i would be here. i will never really leave you...
take care my friend. all the best.For your life, relationship and everything.

I pray to God that you would be safe every seconds of your wonderful life.
And be successful in whatever you do. And i would see you in heaven.

You are my first, and also my last.
Goodbye my Love.

230409

2009-04-23T23:06:00.002+08:00

23/04/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM!!!!
Sweet 16th!!

yeah.. adam khoo workshop finally ended.
Its sad also. So much fun..

Today she sat beside me. i felt happy. I wondered why?
I maybe leaving soon.. at least from now till i leave, i would protect her, and care for her.
Like an angel.
And i do not think she would ask me to stay.
If she asked, i would.

Dammit, my brother screwed up the computer. Not i cannot use msn and blogging because he turned off the firewall and it cannot be turn back on. Stupid, stuck with E-buddy!!! sucks

Pushing you to him its not because i don't like you, but because i want to you to have someone else to count on when i leave. If i leave.

22/04/09

2009-04-22T23:17:00.003+08:00

220409

Adam Khoo workshop day #2
Your ability is determined by the size of your dream.

The workshop was fun. The joy, the tears.
Danny, the trainer said ' giving your heart, and feeling emotions.'
i told myself. Someone has my heart (:
Thats why i did not cry just now.
Learnt many things. Past is not equal to the future.
Do not wait for things to happen. Make it happen.

Today many cried. Many did not.
Today i bought her , her favourite honey milk tea and chocolate.
Today i sent her home. I think after today, some one else would do the honour.

--== I'm hoping she does not sees this, i want her to be happy ==--
God, i pray that you would keep her safe, from dangers and sins.
God i also pray that she would be happy because i love her too much and i do not want her to feel the pain anymore. My pleasure, to her, is her pain...
Thats why i'm leaving. Not because i have stopped loving her, but because its too much pain look at her.
I've left my heart with her. Its true i love her alot. I would not deny it. I would always look in her eyes and say things. But she would always look away. Sometimes i would just stare blankly into her pair of beautiful eyes. she would never fail to look away. sometimes i wish i was Edward cullen, then i would be able to read her mind. Eh wait, if i'm Edward, doesn't that makes her bella? Haha its still a dead-end, because edward can't read bella's mind.

I still miss those times we spent together. Sitting along the beach, talking, spending quality time together..
It ended too fast. I did not have a chance to construct and preserve our happy memories.
Now all i can do is to cycle to places where we have been there tgt. Hoping to experience the feeling once more, though i know it would be impossible without her.
I've let her down. I want to be the one to pull her up. However theres another soul out there planning to do that. So, should i get them my blessings and leave , or should i stay and hurt us more?

Ask me to stay. And i would.

She is the first.
I'll keep her in prayers.

God, protect her. Save her. see that she goes to heaven, even if that means i have to go to hell, i am willing. A thousand tears for one smile from her..
Roses for her, the thorns for me.

Love is about letting out and holding on.
Love is about giving and taking.
Love is about you and your partner.
Love is both rational and irrational.
Love is simple yet complicated.

Currently addicited to this song by LeAnn rimes, its called 'i need you'.
This explains my msn nickname. hahaha..
Its such a meaningful song. Tomorrow i would like to delicate a msg to her. Maybe during the workshop. hopefully is would be read out.

Zhu(Pig) rolls in the mud, Wu Gui(turtle) swims to school.

its 1238, and i am still talking to myself, i think i must be crazy. Better catch some dreams.
Tata.

Short term goal : tourism course, Audio visual tech course, Event management course, threate arts management course. (=

Long term goal: A happy family (=
( i know its very general, haha but thats for now.)

20/04/09

2009-04-20T19:33:00.003+08:00

20/04/09

Okay, i lost it again today. Not as bad as the previous.

She could laugh and joke with anyone except me? How wonderful isn't it?
Reading everything she wrote to me, i still find it hard to accept that we are over.
This is never that way i want things to end. She did not trust me.
I did not have the key to her heart. What's on her mind, nobody knows.
Asked, she refused to share.
Started tgt, ended alone..

Its just very demoralizing to see her everyday. And the teachers aren't helping.
Tml would be adam khoo workshop. With all her friends around........................

Why suddenly has it become my fault? Yeah perhaps i would be better off without a heart...

--[edited]---

This is a story about a girl and a boy.
This boy knew this girl for quite some time already. Only till this year he started being close to her. They would sit together and talk. The girl had a boyfriend, the boy knew. The girl and her boyfriend was happy. The boy continued to talk to the girl. One day, the girl called the boy, saying that she had broken up with her boyfriend. It was 7pm, the boy was on his way to play soccer with his friends. When he got this call from the girl, he went to comfort her. They went to the nearby beach. They sat there for sometime. The boy listens while the girl speaks. Listening to all that she has to say. Doing his best to cheer her up..
They would still sms , talk on msn. Suddenly one day, one of the boy's classmate asked if he like the girl. The boy said no, because he did not think the girl would ever fell in love with her. And so the classmate went to ask the girl. And the game of hide and seek began. One day, the classmates of the boy and the girl organise a outing to the same nearby beach to play volleyball. It turned out the classmate set them up. There were only two of them, at the beach they talked and played, and walked along the beach and park. But the boy did not make his feelings known. He was afraid. They continued to talk to each other constantly. On a thurday , the boy finally summoned his courage and ask the girl to be his girlfriend, making his feelings known.. And she said yes.
They spent many wonderful times together in the few weeks they were together, all the while, the boy did not managed to earn the girl's trust, one saturday, the girl finally said something to the boy, the boy was very depressed and upset.. In his foolishness, he asked for a break up, because the girl couldn't make a decision.
The boy regretted it. He wanted to start afresh, the girl say she is not ready for a relationship/ Thats how it ended.
The boy could not let her go. He love her too much.
She is his everything.
Everyday spent without her is like going though hell for the boy. The girl does not feels or sees it. The boy tries to put on a smile everytime he sees her, to ease her guilt.
The boy finally lost control, he could not bear not letting her know what he wants to say to her.
Now all the boy wants is to start afresh. Hoping that the girl would give them another chance.
It was only after the boy loses the girl , that he finally regretted not cherishing her.
He missed the sound of her voice.
He missed laying on the bed and talking to her for hours.
He missed going to the beach with her.
He missed spending time with her.
He missed everything about her. Because he love everything about her.
He missed her smell, her laughter and her voice.
He need her. So if you sees this girl, please tell her this.
There is this foolish boy that is waiting for her. Deeply,madly in love with her.

JOANNE I NEED YOU. PLEASE BE MINE..

190409

2009-04-19T13:36:00.008+08:00

Closed

Opened

See how easily my bag ' swallowed' my brother's Crumpler (:

Mine with my bro's

Went Queensway yesterday with hs. Asked her, but she wasn't free.
Maybe it was a one sided feeling all along? After that conversation with her just now over her blog post. Ha.
I wondered, if you dun allow someone to be close to you, how can you expect him to understand you. If you never say, he would never know, because he is not you.
However, he would do his best.

Heroin Overdose. Would you kickstart my heart? Or just let me die?

A shot of Morphine and a Bullet in my head.
You are the Morphine. Your words are the Bullet.
Morphine= Happiness.
Bullet killed the happiness.

if only she could let me get close to her. I would tell her all that i want to say to her that i didnt before.

I bought my very own Chrome bag yesterday. A kremlin.
I was deciding between a metro or kremlin. Leonard has a metro. But i didn't like it very much.
Grey and red stripe. haha not too bad..
Went city hall after to meet wilson and his fren.
They bought lots of stuffs. bag, shirts, and jeans.

Well, on the whole. Yesterday wasn't too bad. Its still not perfect without her.
The result of not cherishing what i had. I regret it.

17/04/09

2009-04-17T23:49:00.002+08:00

A very thank you to all those you encouraged me. you know who you guys and girls are. Thanks alot people!! Love ya! * okay i think i'm sounding gay*
Just very touched ^^

A watch that doesn't tell the time. A phone hat doesn't ring.A man that doesn't love.
What does all three things of the above have in common? No purpose.. thats it.

I gave you my trust, hoping that i could earn yours in return.
Her trust is hard to earn, but he will not give up.
Sometime if you dun cherish it, when you lose it, its too late to get it back.
I will not let her slip through my fingers again. But should i set her free?
Because didn't someone sang ' if you really love her, you got to set her free.' ?

2.4km run today, ran slower than targeted. Paced with Paolo for 2.2km.. Thanks for your Red bull. Although it didn't give me wings. it gave me speed.

Position 43 very bad, i shouldn't even have touched that stick. Very bad.
She ran 36. very gd. I'm glad and impressed. And she didn't had an attack. That was something to Thank God for..

Saw James today, still the same. Maybe i'll go back to church soon.
I wondered if she would want to come too..

Today practical was very bad. The class was huge. Very hard to control. Cant blame Mdm aishah.. Screwed up with the pudding's sauce. Okay maybe I'll bake some food for her , when i'm free. Hope she would not die from eating what i made.

I asked her ' if i speak now, will you stay' she didn't answer me. I know its still too early.
But i love her alot. Its okay, i'll slowly earn her trust. I believe i can. Trust me Jo!
I'll do my best and show it to you and everyone who looks down on us!

Tml i'm be going down to queensway to buy my bag.
I've asked her. But however she bought her volleyball girls.
I've told bl not to follow or call more ppl. that was mine point. To be alone and as quiet as possible. I would go alone, if no one wants. However i'm just very excited that she is coming!!!! OMG ! * whats wrong with me* Hs is coming too. He said he wants to buy grey skinnies..

Looking forward to tomorrow and maybe a future will She and Him together.
Maybe then they would sing together.
But for now. He is singing ToGetHer. hahahahaha
tata! * she taught me this * (((===

14/04/09

2009-04-14T16:40:00.003+08:00

Remorseful is the word to describe his feelings today.
Fear is the word to describe his feelings tomorrow.

Alvin blew up today in class. Lost control of himself.

Regretted, just as he had expected. He knew it.
He did not know what to do. Breaking up seems like the only way out.
She did not make any decision. He was drowning deep down..
He is sorry for doing that, for hurting her. But does sorry turn back the time?
Does sorry cures everything?
He regretted saying all those things to her.
He love her alot. But does that matter now?
He doesn't even know what is on her mind.
He is afraid of losing her, because he do not know what will he become.
He wants to share her burden. She doesn't allow him to.
He knows no matter what he do now will help savage the situation.

Loving her is like slowing becoming part of his life.
After all, she is the one that makes him feel so alive..

是不是真的男人不坏女人不爱?

He doesn't expect her to read this.
But all he wants to say is that;
he is sorry for everything, he would wait for her.
And he doesn't mind if she decides to...

~Edited~

It pains my heart every i sees her.
As though it is being slashed by knives.
Stabs after stabs. All my screams trapped in my throat...
Maybe if i don't have a heart, i would not feel this pain.

I believe i'm too emotional. Too emotional for a guy.
I tot i was able to control it, but i was wrong.
I want you to know. you are the one, so please stay with me.

Without you,
A watch that doesn't tell the time.
A phone that doesn't ring.
A man that doesn't love.

I think i would be a walking dead..

I fear for tomorrow and the future.
Heaven's will? I chose not to believe.

13/04/09 part 2

2009-04-13T17:34:00.002+08:00

The truth is, she never loved me...
Maybe this was a mistake right from the start.
She said she is not ready for a new relationship...
Asked if she love me. She chose not to answer.
But talked on the phone with another guy.
I wondered whats on her mind.
That i would never know..

Does she had any idea how much pain i had to endure last night?
How it hurted me deep down. though i never really show on my face.....
She would never know how sad i am , and going to be.

Never use the phrase ' i love you ' anymore.

12/04/09

2009-04-13T01:27:00.002+08:00

The moment she said ' yes '
i knew what was her decision.
i've seen that on many occasions.
How many years has it been this way?
yet i tot this time would be diff.
perhaps its still not time yet. All the while i was thinking, was she God sent? I chose to believe. She was so real.....

Was she influenced by her frens? that i do not know.
She had asked me to decide. I left it to her...
Either way i would still regret...
And i don't not know how would i react if i chose or make the decision.
I know her answer is somewhere in her Heart. buried, waiting to be discovered.

I wished i could turn back time. So that i could do everything correctly right from the start.
I wished i could read your mind. So that i would not have to hurt you. To force you to make a decision. So that i could hide away and lick my wounds.
I wished i could continue to say ' I love you ' every morning to you. But i know it would be replaced with ' HI-s and BYE-s' .
I wished it was a happy ending, because i've never had a fairytale ending.

Tell me how can i stop loving you?
Tell me how can i stop thinking of you?

For the past 18 years of my life.
i've been regretting and regretting...
God please take me away...
I cant stand this anymore...

Time to bury all the happy memories, we used to had.
Time to end all the pain and suffering.
Time for farewells and goodbyes.
Time to look into her eyes,
and say I Love You,
for the last time.

How should i love you?
how should i feel you?
Without you.
- without you, X Japan.

11/04/09

2009-04-11T19:38:00.005+08:00

Nothing in this world can bring back what we have lost.

Nothing can turn back the time

Nothing can replace the fun and joy we used to had.

All the happiness we had, tore apart by our very sins.

I love You.
You make me feel so alive.
It brings out the worst in me
When you're not around
- If i die tomorrow(motley crue)

Can't help feeling that she is hiding something from me.
No. i don't want to set her free.
No. i don't want to put her to sleep.

Been slacking recently. Got to buck up. Prelim is coming soon. Yet i'm still not working hard enough..

Yesterday, went to catch a movie. Fast and furious 4. First row seats, "how wonderful"
It was fun though. After that went to "you know who" house to do e learning..

Cant wait for Os to finish fast!

You make me feel so alive..
A moment apart is a moment in hell.
The God given one? I choose to believe (=

070409

2009-04-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

18th birthday. Firstly would like to thank laopo for the card and present :)
Love it alot! Now i just need a photo of you, to put in the wallet.
And a very big thank you to all who wished me happy birthday today. Thanks people :)
Glad to call you guys Friends :):)

Went tuition today. OMG tuition on my birthday!!

News abt us spread like wild fire. Monday, almost the whole class knows. Thanks to wahidah.

But i can't help thinking, have i treated her well enough? Will she regret it sometime down the road?
I wondered.
wo pa wo pei bu shang ta..
-Love you, as always......

03/04/09

2009-04-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

Another week has passed. Many things happened. Like interclass volleyball and *ehem ehem* ( you know what )

Tuition changed from 2.30 to 12.30 zzz
OMG! tml i have F&N from 9 to 11 !
After that i think i'll be going down for training...
There goes my saturday. Sunday maybe training and run is on. Still deciding if i should go.
I should spend more time with her. I just feel bad for leaving her alone. SORRY!

Birthday coming soon. Still not sure where i would go. Maybe just slack around in town or perhaps grab a drink. Doing my best to save up. Kind of broke nowadays. maybe i could just skip lunch and eat less.
Still keeping my fingers crossed, if i can get that bag for my birthday. But if that happens, that would means that i would not be able to go out with her. Argh!

TP was boring.. not much to see and experience. yawns!

30/03/09

2009-03-30T21:36:00.006+08:00

Batam Group pictures!

At the ferry terminal (=

Waited very long to post this!!

Alright. i think i would start from last friday!

On friday, after my mother tongue test, i rushed to print out F&N. Mdm Aisha was in a very good mood that day i think. She kept smiling to herself. This is good for both her and her students, don't you think so?

Then after printing out, i again rushed home to pack my stuffs and rushed down to sentosa to work for focus. Dammit it i was late! thank goodness they were not on time. Phew.
Got to use the kayak. Basket Pradeep, sabotaged me! did not tell me whats the trick to that particular kayak! yawns!
After that, i went to yishun to meet mh, pc, enid, xy to watch MY BLOODY VALENTINE!!
Woots! my first M18 movie! 3D somemore! But costed me 13 bucks! basket!
The movie was nice! even the special 3D glasses. ( pictures soon i guess, wonder who has it )
Mei Ren Yu sat beside me during the movie. (Thanks to XY) But half of the movie , she was covering her eyes! haiz! LOL
However, i can't helped but feel that she is out of my reach, as always!
She is different from others. she is not human, maybe thats the reason why i cannot be with her, She belongs to the sea after all.

The next day , which is sat. i went to party with pc, mh, and jia long. the usual 3 of us. Movies, KTV. stuffs. Anyway, since my birthday is approaching, i am deciding how to celebrate it. My 18th birthday. wondered how many presents i would receive. Haiz!
Maybe i would ask a few frens out and go for a drink. Or go party world? hard to decide , especially when it falls on a thursday. OMG i cannot get enough of KTV!

Then sunday, i slacked whole day at home. Doing nothing at all. Lazy bum!

Yesterday was quite okay. nth much happened.

Today was well (=
Played volleyball after school behind the classroom. Hit a lamp post that came chasing after me!
Poor lamp post.
Actually, we were supposed to play against some ex students. In the end, they couldn't make it. So it has become a Sec 4 VS Sec 5 match. I did not had any idea when the sec 5 approach me to ask me play for them. Actually i was rather caught between them and the sec 4. So in the end, i played for the sec 4s. I was rather afraid before and during the match.
First half.. 2 goals from our side. 2 pretty decent save i think. From the guy with yellow socks, the other was a corner, just over the cross bar.
Second half was much more exciting, because sec 5 were playing more offensive. Plently of chances to score. 2 more goals from our side. arwis scored one. almost, nearly got a touch on it. reaction was too slow though. Some others saves are shots from the yellow guy again. thanks goodness my left hand managed to block his deflect his shot. Then syafiq managed to clear it. Phew! after they were some quite easy saves. from crosses to true passes. I even managed to beat mr siva. how good can my luck get today. OMG did not get a clean sheet. 4-1 full time. Man! thanks to all the defenders that blocked shots and marked their men. Couldn't have achieve anything without you guys , it was a team effort! Cheers ^^

Looking forward to next drinking and ktv sessions (=
Oh, i need a new gloves too btw. Got to get my hands on that Chrome!!

26/03/09

2009-03-26T22:26:00.002+08:00

last day of the week tml.
Very bad. Have chinese test after school. Got to finish my F&N by tonight, or i cannot work tml.
All the stress is getting on me. Finally i have white hair. Maybe i'll die soon. Certainly hope so.
My mother was being a faggot today. I had alot on my mind and she has to choose today to NAG.
Bullshit.
Haven been sleeping well for 3 days in a straight row. Having headaches, very bad. They come and go. I would expect tonight to be the same. Nonetheless it has slowly becoming part of my life.

Feeling very awful these days. Its this, then that.

Need a drink real bad, hate the idea of going alone. sigh.
Whats life without fun and passion?

What is love? My definition for it is - a feeling between two that is unexplainable. And now everybody starts saying, " i tot i love him/her" , " our love just kind of faded away " , " i wasnt love after all " Oh please. stop abusing love. Even now i find myself struggling to ask myself, could this be love that i feel. Each time i would tell myself , yes! it is. And each time , leaving myself further drained and scar-ed.

we are all living in our own world of self created illusions.

Unfinished by X Japan has this interesting lyrics.
" i dont know what is love , no need to be hurted anymore."
Must this be the only way to prevent from getting hurt?

There are few things that i am sure,
iamentirelyandhelplesslyinlovewithher.
Thereisapartofmethatjustcan'tstopthinkingaboutherandlaughingatherabsentmindednessandherblurlookand feelamused.allherhuhsandconfusedexpressionsjustbrightenupmyday.

22/03/09

2009-03-22T02:04:00.003+08:00

This was taken last last year! LOL wilson and me. James was the camera man.
Long Live KFC? LOL

Post # 52 Jim,gym and Jim?

Today was quite fun, to admit it.
First i went to the gym with jim and pradeep.
Oh by the way, today's training was a all guys sessions!
Guess where all the girls went? Thats right! SHOPPING! LOL
Even the bubble tea shop auntie was shocked. They ask why we were so early.
Then one even say, " i think is always the girls bathe the slowest, thats why everytime so late!"
LOL that was the best thing i've heard today! No trying to be sexist or anything.
wow its hard to forget that man!

Was planning to go KTV tml, but in the end mh say change date. OMG i want sing sing and sing till i drop after O level!!

Argh today's training was very bad, did swim much. I am getting fatter and fatter. Time to eat less and exercise more. Or i might become a pig one day. thought of running tml. Wonder if she is going.. * got to stop talking abt her alr!*

Oh yeah, maybe after O level. i'll go back church to visit james and david. so how things goes.. who knows, they might even have forgotten me.

愛笑的眼睛 is so nice lah!! SORRY too! LOL
Got to start rushing my homework tml. ESP F&N!
Go Go

21/03/09

2009-03-21T00:08:00.004+08:00

Mall Cop was nice!!
I think i'll watch another movie soon! so Fun! Maybe go sakae or sakura !
But first i need to earn some cash first! Aww man! Sunday's job vacancy got filled up!
What a let down! I need that 36 bucks desperately! Argh!

Joanne! i want all your soft toys![ 0014 ]
Save as draft then post! cheater!
*raise hands and waving wildly*
"Teacher! Joanne cheat! "
ROFL! Primary school kids!

So anyway, school is going to reopen soon.
I haven finished my homework! Oh MY God! panic!
La la la! gym tml, after that should be training!
Hope i survive tml training! Hmm tml is saturday. Either she would be at time trials or training. But the point is , she would not be eating! * why am i talking abt her suddenly? *

I want go KTV! found some new old songs today! i want sing!
Got to save up for new bag! should start working after Os right away!

Sorry by william is damn nice! i only knew the title after PC sang it last time loh!
Vivi is so cute! OMG can't believe she is 32 alr! dammit! if only my wife is as pretty as her!
But anyway she sings very well.

After Os i would party till i drop! who is with me? Yeah!! lets rock the house down!
oh! i kept forgetting to tell mr chong that we want prom! It would be awesome!
Imagine it! Dance , Dance and more dance! i could even dressed like in The phantom Of the Opera! Woah! Must Have!!

Need: new haircut, or mrs kok is gonna kill me.
Money and more money! who can get tired of money? HAHA!

Perfect is the only word to describe her. I believed.

18/03/09

2009-03-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

50th Post. Does this calls for a celebration?

Its been a while since i wrote, I wondered where should i start.

To Dream, is to escape Reality
To face Reality, is to resign to Fate
To Pray, it to ask
To Believe, is to hope
To Love, is to despise Hatred
To Hate, is to despise Love
To lie, is to control events
To confess, is to seek love

Dark clouds above her fortress. I knew something was wrong.
So i got down on my knees and prayed to God to keep her safe.

The day i could learn to ignore people's opinion, is the day i would truly live.

I would always remember the good old days, how we lived, and nothing else matters.
A pity. I regret it.

I should stop loving for a while, i guess.

All the goodbyes and farewells of this world.

14/03/09

2009-03-14T23:11:00.002+08:00

the wild and the young.
they all have their dreams.

Nice song by quiet riot.
they have their dreams. i wondered where is mine?

Why do i get the feeling that i am gonna die soon?

Feeling very stressed lately. Coursework and maths and chinese work!

我只想要!

cannot stop listening to this song. sigh.. felt like crying everytime i hear it.
Its gonna be a busy year. I wonder if i would drop dead or puke blood sometime this year.
all i can say now is that i'm feeling out of breath now.

Blue eyes, blond hair, 5 feet 6.
Sounds impossible. hahaha

If your past tense of Love is Loved
Then mine is Love.
Because i never had it.
How do you lose something you have never had?

How long can i continue to live? i feel like a walking dead right now.

07/03/09

2009-03-07T21:42:00.003+08:00

Its not right.. She must never know.. And I shan't tell her anything.
I just want her to be perfect in my memories... Forever...
I've tried many times. But nothing was real. ETSQ

It took me awhile to understand such simple issue.
Probability of finding a best friend in life is 0.01
Probability of finding a True Love is 0.001

What is something that is
-Free
-Trustworthy
-Lifetime warranty
-Fashionable
-Sounds too good to be true?

It is said that,
in primary school you will have a best friend
in secondary you will have alot of friends.
in JC you will have a girl/boy friend.
And in University you will have a Baby.

Becareful of who you hang out with. Missing my old memories.
Becareful of what you wish for. Missing my buddies.
Becareful of what you say. Missing what i cannot have.
Becareful of what you do. Missing my pasts.
Becareful of who are you. Missing myself.

The Devil called this morning. He wanted to confirm my appointment with him.
I told him soon......

What if i told you? It would be the same. I know.

03/03/09

2009-03-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

Yesterday lost like 2 bucks. Enid, worse. Lost 9 bucks i think?
Study,Study,Study. I don't even have time for a break. Everything is like crushing down on me......

Bought new shoes today. 14bucks. Gosh i better start saving money.

Okay. The invitation for nationals is out. Will i be on the team? I wondered. So much to commit. So little time left.

And i want to get my hands on breaking dawn! Who has it? Kindly lend it to me please! I am dying to read it!

Things to Do:
-Sleep early.
-Visit the Gym often.
-Eat lesser but healthier.
-Stop thinking of what i am not supposed to think of.
-Start training hard. And not slacking.
-Lost weight. Gain more muscles.
-Save up for my monofins and new bags.

1/3/09

2009-03-01T21:49:00.002+08:00

Al J Vin

Al Jeremiah Vin

-Newton Run 10km
Woke up late. Took cab down to Seng Kang with PC.
Ran on an empty stomach.
Started quite well.. But however my leg, or should i say my mind just couldn't take it anymore. So i slowed down.
Anyway. Finished in 1:05:00
With Deliberate effort by XY and me.
It was extremely slow. without any doubt.

-Others
Plenty of stress today.
Lots of homework to hand in tml.
Injured my left leg.
Doing my best to move. But its just too hard.. I wondered.

<-->
Liked what i have told XY. It just does not seem possible. Oh well.. thats was what i've told myself in the first place.. Smart ones always goes with the smart ones. That is Life.
While the dumber ones just sit back and die. Isnt that so true??

<-->
Looking forward to any diving, Fishing, Camping trips.
Wanna learn Kayaking and drums soon.
A Super Nova frame.
A Chrome bike.

Hmm cant wait to get my hands on the sundown and newton run photos.

- Go K buffet.
- Go Club or whatever( though i would prefer a bar )
- Do homework after homework after homework. ( Another 8 months of insane mugging, follow by 2 months of fun. Then its dooms day.)

22/02/08

2009-02-22T21:50:00.003+08:00

Bronze Cross test. It was tiring, esp when you are sick, and you have just finished sundown!
Monday is coming soon. Back to school! Homework! Study!

Alright, i was very sad after training today..
I'm thinking of the impossible.. * winks at huabin *
After what happened to Jim. But theres still Eugene.
okay, maybe i shouldn't think so much its both bad for my health and mind..

But theres something that keeps bothering me..
What is Love actually?
Can someone tell me your definition?
Some people just give Love a Bad Name...
They Kill in the name of Love.
They believes that what they are doing is right..
But they don't know what is left of the other person when they leaves..

Not trying to point fingers at anyone or any organization here.
But people do seems to be able to conceal things very well.. maybe thats how they climbed up the ladder fast.. Ruthless.Hypocritical. killing anyone what slows them down..
i
That was what i've learnt today.. From a fren (= Maybe thats why i've lost..
I need politics skills in this world to survive..
This world built on lies and deceit..
Be Cruel or Be Dead.

Please do not insult the word, Love.

Tonight, she would be made the queen.

21/02/09

2009-02-21T23:49:00.003+08:00

Okay. So I've Survived SunDown.
At the cost of getting sicker and tired.
Tomorrow i'll be having my Bronze Cross Test. Would really want to pass.

SunDown was fun. I slept for the first 2 hours. Woke up at 12.50am
Joined Elaine and Mel for 10 sets. In the end , Hb and me did not finish it. Both of us were too sick to attempt it. So we left it all to the girls.

Went Home and slept till 5pm. Felt like a pig.

It was awfully quiet. The Silence. Sat beside her while we were waiting... Didn't talked much..
It seems that there isn't anything in common between us.
Its still a question mark till today.. Is it possible? I wondered.

The sun rising from behind, the waves crashing onto her . She lies there motionlessly.
Just like what i've dreamt of. Running over, many thoughts ran though my minds... Flashbacks, memories.. Crashing into the sand, i kneeled beside her.. I held her in my arms as i let out a loud, terrifying howl..

Some Just Don't know What Love Is..

Life ain't a bed of rose. Life ain't a fairytale.

18/02/09

2009-02-18T23:47:00.003+08:00

Today was quite a sad day. Nothing much happened.
Have tons of hw to finish. Didn't bother to attempt to finish it.
Training was boring . Goggles sucks. Almost bang into pradeep and Enid. sorry..
Sundown coming soon. Still swim so slow. bastard. haiz...
Oh i've found the OST for 'Love is all around' OMG so nice!
Got to sing it the next time i go KTV!
Swim,swim,swim. Run,run,run.

Dammit why can't i live happily like others too?

Yes. I'm in a bad mood. No I don't wish to talk about it.
Its Me, Its You, Its Her, Its Him, Its Them, Its This, Its That.

The Lust For Blood Clouds The Love Of God.

13/02/09

2009-02-13T23:03:00.002+08:00

Friday 13 . How wonderful.

Today nothing much happened in school. Celebrated TOTAL DEFENCE DAY.
One of the activities is to do In-house protection precaution thingy.
Quite fun. Very Hot. Super nice to play. After we cut the plastic bags, taped them to the windows. Taped the small openings of the door gaps. And build a portable toilet. But nobody bothers to use it. Rest of the time spent inside the class room was spent on talking and listening to music on my ipod. How i wished the drill thing could last longer.

Anyway wasn't very glad to go to school today.. Saw people running around with gifts and flowers. My plans for tml are : tuition , training , WoE , sleep.

Sundown is around the corner. Very scared. Suddenly extremely afraid that i cannot survive it.
Blame it on the fast foods that i've been eating the past week! Oh my GOD! What should i do!?

Things to learn: Drums , how to let go of things that should hurts the most.
Things to buy: Leather jacket , visual kei pants , fingerless gloves , A chrome bag , A monofin & a marker. Buy the phantom of the opera novel. And the other 3 books from the twilight series. Haiz. Money Money Money! A foolish world will requires some foolish people. I'm tired of the nonsense and shit that they throw at me. God can i die now?

08/02/09

2009-02-08T21:53:00.003+08:00

List of things done today:
-Fin
-Surfboard
-Kayak
-Swim
-Eat many many things.

Downs:
-Very Bored.
-Bought a lot of food. But cant finish.
-Worry/getting angry over what we are going to do on V-Day.
-Ankle Pain
-Bought ball , but none wanted to play.
-Renew the card costed me 19.50.

Ups:
-Saw TW on the beach tram to Palawan beach.
-Fin and kayak.
- dl a new song.

Things i wished that would happen :
- Kayaking.
- All eat tgt to day.
- Same sundown team~
- Laugh more.
- Use the computer more.
- Get a monofin
- Kill all the idiotic people that are wasting oxygen.
- A Chrome bag drop from the sky and lands on me.
- I'm 28 now. Married. 2 kids. A boy and a girl(twins) Have my very own house by the sea.

Plan for V-Day:
- Training
- Eat
- Watch tv
- Sleep early

+1 for me -1 for her and maybe it would be possible.
How i wished. Get a life Move on!
Tell them! How we washed our hands in their blood. And how our horses trampled over their bodies.
Watch them! See how they suffer in pain and misery. And how they wished they were better off dead.

Ride on to battle with my beloved ride . A sword and shield in my hands. Being nice to the enemy is being cruel to yourself. Testing every limits of my body.
To the valley where dragon rules. And castle where vampire reins. A dragon's skull , a vampire's heart for my trophy.

5/2/09

2009-02-05T22:04:00.004+08:00

You Are The Colours In My Black&White World.

Please Be Real. She's Gone.. There is no way back. People Talked Behind My Back, but i'll stand strong and walk with my head high! You Guys give Love A Bad Name.. The Days few days wasn't easy. Tons of homework ! Tuition,Homework,Training,Tuition,Work,Training,RO,Sleep! Oh My God! Sun Down coming soon.. what to do?? Make Her My motivation? But What after to tj , and my 2 frens. I'm not sure abt it anymore.. The feeling just sucks. Well maybe i'm destined to live and die alone! sick! Well anyway, i gonna train hard.. Miss fining. I Want go Diving!

so as usual, the guy when to the beach early in the morning hoping to see her again.
However after hours and hours, he sat there alone, looking out towards the sea and the endless horizon..
When the sun was high up in the sky, he heard sounds of galloping horses approaching..
'Your Highness, please. you must come with us' Said the Captain of the chivalry unit.
'No.I will not return. Tell father that fame, glory,power and treasures are not what i seek.' The young man replied.

29/01/08

2009-01-29T22:53:00.003+08:00

Another Day has passed.
[this was supposed to be posted yesterday]
The wall on the other side felt much further today. I wondered why?
Swim damn bloody slow! I better train harder!
I can't keep up on the return lap. I think its a mental blockage.
This better not happen during sundown. I think i can kill myself.

Anyway , Cinderella/sleeping beauty has been fetched off by another prince. Mixed blood. I believed. According to my sources. Is this a joke? Is God making a sport out of man? 2 Months!

So anyway , the previous prince left her i guess. wondered what happened?
If only i expected this. Sigh.. Maybe it won't work out for me. Maybe i could do is to sit back and envy others? She told me different things back then. Months ago. Its not like i wanna scold her or anything like that.. its just that i am confused. ( which i shall not mention in my blog , there are always some unwanted visitors )
Just wanna wish her all the best though.

SunDown coming soon.. Wondered if i can make it through the night.

I shall not tell my story tonight. I'll keep it for another time.

~Let Her Be My Motivation~

28/01/09

2009-01-28T00:20:00.002+08:00

Alright! I'm back!
I know i haven been blogging lately.
I was busy with stuffs.. Tuition , training , school work.
Anyway, last friday i went to town with ts , tw , hs , and wilson.
Spent like 45 mins in top man? But i didn't bought anything. Instead i bought New Moon! COOL! ^^
Then we went to the star factory or whatever it is called. At suntec city.
Wasted like 8 bucks? LOL
And watched Love Matters there too.. At eng wah cinema. 9.50 per ticket. Faggots!
Ate at New York New York. Very costly . 30bucks.Crap.. I'm never going there again.

Actually this week was not too bad after all..
Sunday after training , we were supposed to be playing beach volley. but turned out , everyone rushing home to eat.. What a let down.
So in the end, Pradeep , jim , elaine and me when to subway at harbourfront to makan.
Pradeep had to go chalet, so he left first.
After we ate finish , we decided to go Ben's and Jerry's .
Elaine was like crazy over the strawberry kiwi.
Which in my opinion wasn't too bad.
Actually we wanted to treat her just 1 scoop. But ended up with a merlionster. Some day , i'm gonna get the vermonster sundae. Maybe this sunday? who knows? Haha.. *winks at jim and elaine *
Hmm lets see.. after that theres is this palm reading thing at Ben's and Jerry's. So kind of event stuff. And Elaine wanted to try it out.
The palm reader , a lady, said that jim and elaine has poor health , but they will be rich.
However i was told that i would be healthy and have 4 children. (Haha how unlikely)
And she said that i wouldn't be rich. Aww.. so sad. However , my 2th and 3th children would be rich ! LOL! Maybe jim and elaine could share part of their wealth with me next time (=
oh.. and jim and elaine would both have 3 children. And elaine would marry someone rich.
I think she was rather sad. because the guy that she likes isn't rich i guess! HAHA! Good luck elaine..

Monday i went to mr kwa's hse from my grandmother hse, which is at kembangang. Jim's dad drove jim and me to yishun. Thanks uncle!
Bougth mee goreng up to eat. Met Anges and Enid , below mr kwa's block . Apparently Anges' dad sent them there.
So moving on , we were eating the mee , when emily suddenly asked if we wanted vodka with the orange drink. I was like , huh? will we die of food poisoning if we drank that? LOL orange and vodka. And Anges was like ' i want , i want ! '

After a while , people like mh , leonard , huabin and elaine came.
And we started playing ' big & small ' LOL
lose some , win some. In the end , i won 3 bucks only! dammit. So miserable
While mh and Anges won like 30 bucks.. what luck!

I did not notice how much did Anges drank. But after awhile , i think she was ' high '
And after that shot of cordon bleu that she shared with Enid , that was it already.
Her face was very red but we all tot that was normal. till suddenly she was very quiet. And we asked her to get some fresh air outside.

After the cordon bleu , emily took out johnny walker black label, i wasn't as nice as C.B.
And wasn't that smooth. Had a hard time with that one.
So in the end , a couple of us were drunk. But some were sent home. Like zhen hao and christine. Only a handful of us stayed behind. Cos Anges was too drunk to be sent home by enid. So she had to stay over.
Christine's boyfriend stayed too.. he drank some.. and didn't want to take the risk bumping into traffic police road blocks.
Jim didn't want to go home. so he stayed too.
Anw , we went to eat Mac. And i shouldn't have drank cola.. Now when i smell the scent of vodka , i wanna puke. Very disgusted by the taste.
Okay , maybe i shouldn't drink that much next time.. *winks at jim*

Looking forward to beach training this sunday. Maybe i could get another merlionster again (=

Sleeping beauty or mermaid?
Sleeping beauty is back. so what is it gonna be?
Should i laugh at her and add salt to her wound?
Laugh at her for not choosing me?
No..
Oh please , i not that kind of a person.
My friend asked me , then shouldn't you be happy?
Now that you've got another chance?
Maybe i do have a chance , i guess.
But i stand stop feeling sad.
Sad because she is sad.
Sad because she was cherished.
Sad because she didn't deserved to be treated like that.
All she ever wanted was someone who would love her dearly.
How hard can that be?

Once upon a time , there was this guy that believed in mermaid very much.
And he had seen one since he was small. And this guy would go to the beach everyday , hoping to see that particular mermaid again.
However not once did the guy ever saw her again.. Everyone who knew this guy laughed at him , scolded him , telling him that mermaids doesn't exists. Calling him a fool. But he doesn't mind. He keeps on waiting and believed that she would be there someday.

Please let me listen to your beautiful voice before i go deaf.

18/01/09

2009-01-18T02:28:00.002+08:00

Hi~!
Today i had some donation drive thing. Must get people to donate.
Gosh! It sure was tiring! hanged around at bugis. Didn't get much. Thats the disadvantage of being a guy.
Anw, return the whatever thing at toa payoh. Wanted to go training. But alvin was tired. So i went home.
Oh No! theres beach training tml in the morning and here i am , still blogging at this hour!
Ez link fares are killing me.

Recently one of my friend has been having relationship problems. I just don't understand. If you love each other , then why ask for break up? And if you don't love that person. why be with him or her? Maybe because the 'honeymoon period' is over? And the sees the real person? Just like waking up from a beautiful dream. And look at the harsh reality. Maybe...
Miss Carl's Jr. Miss Going to the watering hole. Miss this and that. And everything abt IT.

Vin was Sad.Jer was Happy :

15/01/09

2009-01-16T00:02:00.002+08:00

Ah. New link. New Skin. A New Start.

Firstly , i've decided to change my blogskin. eventhough i liked it very much. Had to admit, I really looks kind of emotional. And a new link. No more silence screams. More comfortable , i might say.

Well, i'm very determinded to ace my O level exams! Study hard play hard! I wanna go into AVT. Get a bike. Finished my course . ORD . Get married at maldives. And next thing i'm gonna retire!

Got to work extra hard. Keep my goals in mind. Push unhappy , unworthy things and people out of my attention scope and focus!

I guess Love is one thing i can't have right now. Its okay i guess.

Thought of going back to Hope. But the very thought if cunning , backstabbings people turns me off. That wasn't what i wanted. It all changed. Maybe thats not where i truly belongs.

Got to catch the phantom of the opera soon. (=

Dangerous Mind.

School Is Back...

2009-01-08T23:36:00.002+08:00

[CHRISTINE:]

In sleep he sang to me In dreams he cameThat voice which calls to me

And speaks my name And do I dream again

For now I findThe Phantom of the opera is there Inside my mind

[PHANTOM:]

Sing once again with me Our strange duet My power over youGrows stronger yet

And though you turn from meTo glance behind The Phantom of the opera is there Inside your mind

[CHRISTINE:]

Those who have seen your face Draw back in fear I am the mask you wear

[PHANTOM:]

It's me they hear

[TOGETHER:]

My/your spirit and your/my voice In one combined The phantom of the opera is there Inside your/my mind He's there the Phantom of the opera Beware the Phantom of the opera

[PHANTOM:]

In all your fantasies You always knewThat man and mystery

[CHRISTINE:]

Were both in you

[TOGETHER:]

And in this labyrinth Where night is blindThe phantom of the opera is there Inside your/my mind

[PHANTOM:]

Sing my angel of music

- Phantom Of The Opera[Nightwish]

Could Love Be Shared?

I couldn't feel it. So i have no idea.

I sick and tired of hearing the same old shit.

I don't really care if i'm not chosen to be the chairperson. I've gotten over it.

If haziq is the chairperson. Then so be it.

Have tons of homework still undone. With tuition and training issues.

I wondered if i would one day drop dead while waking to school or going to training?

I've thought i have already gotten over it. But 5 days after school reopened proofed me wrong.

Why are parents such a pain in the neck?

I've predicted the results. I knew what would happened. Even though i was taught not to.

Been listening to the same songs over and over again. 'too young to fall in love' , 'you're all i need', 'phantom of the opera' , ' bye bye beautiful' and ' poison '

Well i guess i was too emotional. Perhaps i should change .

You seemed happy enough.. But thats you. That isn't me.

You're All I Need , Make You Only Mine.

2/1/09

2009-01-03T00:24:00.002+08:00

2009

2008 was like a blur to me. Herdly remember anything.

Just when i tot i was over you.Just when i tot i could stand on my own.

Those memories came crashing through. How tragic.

New Haircut.New uniform.New Year.

Drank alot that night at jim's hse. Pradeep couldnt drink. I drank his. Plus the chivas and cocktails. I believe i could have drank more.

Got a flu next day. Ate indian food. wasn't that bad after all.

Played mahjong. Tagged with Emily. won a fair amount of money.

Couldn't finish my compo.Even Elaine gave up on her maths. And played audition. ROFL

Its been ages since i touched that!

Looking forward to chinese new year. Would be fun. I supposed.

Everybody! Vote for me! chairperson!! Thats one thing i want to do before i leave WRSS!

Am Test is just around the corner. Got to buck up! Or i am gonna fail!

Argh Hua bin!! all your fault!! haha.. sabo me!! I knew the ending alr lah dammit!

Sure not me one loh!

Got to work hard this year! Recently 'romeo and juliet' kept flashing through my mind! Okay i shall attempt to write a song about them. If possible get sherman's band to play! It would be awesome!

Plently of ups and downs in my life recently.

First is the stupid EZ link card.. expired! Made me have to pay adult fare!

Theres match tml! Lets win it! i am tired of losing everytime.

Saw James and David on the 31. Wondered how are they doing? Should be very well.

Tracking down the mermaid that i've lost sight of!

30/12/08

2008-12-30T23:36:00.002+08:00

[

One Day while walking past the Garden of Eden. I met an Angel. Who used to be my good friend.He asked , what happened to my wings. I told him , my lust burned it to dust.

The very same day , i met another Angel. He asked if i would like to go back to God. I did'nt answer him.Because i did'nt know how to.

I hate the term fallen Angel. I rather be a mortal.

Immortal if i could.

Fallen Angel has the meaning banished in it.

My good friend is back. Headaches. they come and go.

Its been weeks since i last experienced it. Thought they have gone for good. Guess i was wrong.

How many times do i have to convince myself?

AL gets tired convincing Jer.

Time and time again.

Friends said i was too emotional. Fine. I admit.

aL: How many times must i tell you? you are too young to fall in love!

Jer: maybe this time will work out?

aL: stop deceiving yourself. please.

Jer: maybe she is diff from the previous?

aL: isn't that what you told me everytime?

Jer: Just give it a try? At least i won't regret it..

aL: You always regret it!

Jer: alright! i've stopped.

aL: for now..

Jer: yeah.. you're right.

aL: you are flirt! You are always so frickle minded!

Jer: i trusted my feelings!

aL: Feelings can't be trusted!

Jer: thats because you don't have them!

aL: Fine! I'm done talking to you ! you ass.. you'll get hurted in the end again! you stupid fool!

Jer: at least i tried!

aL: don't come to me again when you need help! And stop listening to Nightwish and Within Temptation. They are so emo.

Jer: get lost! i like them alot!

Love Her is One Thing. Together is another.Whats the point if you give her stars from the sky , diamonds from the earth and pearls from the oceans but she just doesn't fancy you?

Love is a funny thing. One moment you wants it. But the next , you just throw it away like rubbish.

I was her. Now this. what nonsense is this?

If roses are red , violets are blue.Then what are you? Oh i know! A rainbow!!

You Are My Personal Brand Of Heroin. - Twilight[Edward Cullen]

Personally i think the theme songs for twilight should use either songs from Within temptation or Nightwish. It suits the movie alot.

Christmas party was fun enough. Missed Justin and the rest who left.

WS feel so quiet now.

Know that many will leave soon. Be it next year or the year after it.

The Food was great. Curry , fried rice and many more..

Games was painfully fun.

Emily drank Mr kwa's martell. i could tell that he was heart pained when he saw it.

Next day i went to jim's hse. watch tv. played com.Played mahjong mostly. for 12hrs straight i think. if i'm not wrong.

Drank chivas. 18th years.

Doesn't really suit my taste. Prefer Jack daniel's

Ate Rum ice cream cake. was very delicious. cost 40 bucks.

Today AM lesson was very tiring. first the theory part the water works.

My shirt kept slipping.Hence explained my timing.

Supposed to be going to ktv tml. But they have enough ppl. so i'm not included. They wanted to catch a movie too.. but i told them to count my out.

8.50 for a ticket.

Still deciding if i going to jim's hse tml...

The mood for countdown isn't there..

Currently hooked to nightwish's phantom of the opera.

Tarja.Classic.period.

In sleep he sang to me - In dreams he cameThat voice which calls to me - And speaks my nameAnd do I dream again - For now I findThe Phantom of the opera is there - Inside my mind

Sing once again with me Our strange duetMy power over you - Grows stronger yetAnd though you turn from me - To glance behindThe Phantom of the opera is there - Inside your mind

[Nightwish-Phantom Of The Opera]

Speak Your Mind. coz i can't read yours!

25/12/08

2008-12-25T00:25:00.005+08:00

WS Xmas Party

Fun. Played Games . Food was Great. Zhen Hao's Curry was a little to spicy IMO.

Drank abit. The amount wasn't too much.

Played The MRT Game..And Taboo.

There was gift exchanging programme. I found my gift for my mortal wasn't as nice as i tot i would be.. after what i saw what others received. Afraid that she might not like it.

She is quite rich. Don't think she would fancy such cheap stuff. Anw i bought it for 12 bucks. Just hope she likes it.

Friday,friday,friday...

Sigh.. Sad Case.. ARGH~!

Serene

Match on sat! 10 am.

Tuition on sat! 3 to 5.

Training on sat! 6 to 8.30.

What The Hell~! I'm so Dead.

People have gd and longlasting relationship.. How Nice.

Pretty girlfriends. How Special.

Happily Ever After.. How Fun.

she isn't too bad. Just age diff , i guess.

Look rather mismatched.. Not A gd idea i guess.. lots of opinion from others there will be.

Guess it is my destiny...

Hate It!

Haha.. I should get over it soon.

She and Me? One in a million?

We are from diff world. Mars and Venus.She is Bad , while i am Good.

GOD~! W~H~Y!!??

If santa claus is real, I'll ambush him tonight at the fireplace.

And when he comes out of it , i'll knock him out and rob him of all his presents.

22/12/08 BAD NEWS

2008-12-22T22:17:00.002+08:00

BAD NEWS...

FREN:she like someone alot
ME:really who? LOL
FREN:i know , but she told me not to tell anyone
ME:oic. Your fren too?
FREN: Kinda..
ME: Do i know that person?
FREN:NO.
ME: BEN?
FREN:NO.
ME: sherman? as in his band members?
FREN:nah, some random guy.
ME: You asked her?
FREN: No. She told me she was feeling down.
ME: ouh.
FREN: so yea.
ME: the guy know she likes him?
FREN: yes.
ME: The guy rejected her?
FREN: Not really.
ME: But they not tgt lah?
FREN: im not sure..

~Twilight~

Downs: Too Little action( it is still a romance story after all)
Ups: Very interesting.. Makes my wanna be a vampire too.

Watched it today at plaza singapura.. Ate Mac while watching..
Wasn't very pleased with myself today..
Bought A new Tee.. for 15bucks.

Bought A mirror for the xmas present. Needa write a card.

Sometimes i wished i were a gal.

On Somedays. I wished i were a vampire.

Some people whould say.. Grow up kiddo.. stop dreaming.

But how many more years can you dream? 5 or 10?

Friday Doesn't Looked that Promising that after all. Especially after what my fren told me just know. Don't feel like going anymore.. It is really destined.

Wishlist:

Her

Bike

Leather Jacket

Be A Vampire

ZOMBIES~! PAINtBALL~!

2008-12-19T23:12:00.002+08:00

Woah! Duo ShotGun came out today~!
Slayed a hell lot of Zombies.. Cool Huh?
Hate to admit it.. but DAMM.. i so good at ShotGun.

I Want Play Professional Paintball~!
So Fucking Awesome.. I watched the Movie on Youtube today!
I figured out.. that i should play Paintball or go to the army or be a cop.
Either way there will be Guns..
I have this natural love for Guns..
Guess I'll play Speedball instead of woodsball..
HAHA.. Insane firing machine..

Still Have no idea what to but the Xmas present. Haiz.. Dolphins? Jap Stuffs??
LOL Comics CONNECTION!! Hmm 10 bucks is quite hard to get.. Need to warp somemore!!
Argh..

Anw.. 31 dec doesn't look very promising..
I think this is it.. There won't be another chance next year..
I will be very busy and stuffs..

I need a workout badly ! Some Serious Training..

Gonna Slay More Zombies Tml Morning..
I wanna go fishing! Hopefully can get a mermaid! ROFL
Bye~!

5-4 Soccer !!! WTF

2008-12-18T23:13:00.002+08:00

5-4 Lost!
Argh!!
Today late for tuition!!!
Had to rush home to bathe!!
Anyway.. Got to know this gal call nurul from the same class..
19 years old. But she doesnt look like a 19er.
After class.. went to woodlands mrt to give out the leaflet..
She asked if i'd help.. I agreed.
Then after that , she say want go admiralty.. coz she wants to see her bf..
Anyway, her bf didnt allow her to follow him to his boss' hse. they got meeting i think?
so.. we went to MAC and eat..
And i saw david.. and talked alot..

A soccer game is full of screw ups.
Screw ups in the defence and the attack.

Unfit For Duty~!!

2008-12-17T23:41:00.002+08:00

Okay! I admit! Today's Training i damm slack..
But its not that i don't have energy , its like i have no mood.. shit..
How did this happened..
OMFG i think i'm gonna fail my AM unless i do something..
The xmas Present thing i really dunno what to buy!!
They say get some jap stuffs. or Stuffs with dolphins on it..
Looks like i have to go comics connection soon..

Never try to please Man. They cannot be pleased!
I'm still observing her and him.. Not tgt yet..
However i don't understand them..
Alright maybe i'm really from a diff world..

Stupid e-games.ph nvr reply me.!! i want play 02 jam!!

I WANT PLAY 02JAM!!!

2008-12-15T22:59:00.002+08:00

I Want Play 02Jam!!

Basket lah!! Why the MY server closed down? i want play leh!!

Suckers.. Then now the ph server cannot play!! assholes..

Argh.. the only thing i can do now is listen to the 02jams songs that i dl from the net..

Damn sad now!

Didnt get to kill zombies today! Server was full.

What Luck!

Actually i didnt believe they were tgt.. LOL

Who in the world would have expected that?

It was like the last thing that could happen..

But at least they are happy tgt..

Bored , Bored , Bored..

tml i'm going to study.. haha yeah!

Make Up Your Mind. Dammit!

2008-12-14T23:14:00.003+08:00

I had enough of it!!

To go or not to go?? Dammit.. why do i have to face this kind of shit everytime?

This sucks.. Money truly is the root of my problems..

Azmi ask wanna go again someday to the watering hole .. i said okay.

Wth.. then what abt Left 4 Dead?

What abt Ws party and Jim hse thing??

Screw it.. Really.. I am not working,

so how the hell am i going to find money to pay for my expenses?

18&17 ? I see no future in it. Honestly. So what?

This is bullshit.. Why cant i swim faster.. Faggot!

Homework,homework and more homeworks!!

No more playing for me next year!!

Why cant i just bloody learn?

Ppl say 'once bitten , twice shy.'

I kena so many time alr. still want go die..

Stupid me.. Don't Go lah.. Go also nothing will happened..

No future , No Hope lah..

Stress,Stress and EVEN more stress!!

Living in solitude will be better for me..

Does Solitude really heals everything?

Really Very Drained..

Loneliness is my best friend.. It won't let me go.

Happiness is like a far-fetched Dream/wish.

Really wanna let go of everything...

Wondered how will i survive next year..

Very Tired, looking for that resting place..

If i die tml. I think i would regret not telling you that I ....

Show no emotion.

SilentJealousy..

Dont make your problem my problem

2008-12-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

Don't Make Your Problem My Problem.

Sigh.. whats wrong with these retards.. If they are too free?

Why don't they take cyanide or mix a packet of rat poison into cola or something and just bloody DIE? Why waste Life? Why waste the oxygen?Why waste food and resources..

Your problem belongs to you.. Please don't bloody pull me into in?

Am i your slave or dog? NO! Are you the king? No!

Get a life please.. Stop ruining other people's life just because you are psycho and you are jealous!!

I have my own life to live.. If you wanna die? well go ahead.. who cares..

24th,25th.. Please come soon.

2 man CPR really sucks..

water works too~!!!

11/12/08

2008-12-11T23:01:00.003+08:00

Run,Scream.Climb,Cry.Hide,Fear.Shoot,Laugh.Dead,Silence.

Run.. For you know THEY are after your blood.
Scream.. For you know THEY are behind you.
Climb.. For you know there still might be a chance.
Cry.. For you see Death all around you.
Hide.. For you are too weak to move.
Fear.. For you know Death is lurking somewhere.
Shoot.. For you know THEY are here to get you.
Laugh.. For you know THE END is near.
Dead.. For you know IT got you.
Silence.. For you know the game is over , so is your life. And you cannot make any noise or whatsoever..

A pity..

Welcome My Friend , To My Life...
Try And Feel My Pain...

SilentScreams..

2008-12-11T00:21:00.006+08:00

Training was fun.

Gave my best today..

Chiong like hell..

Many thanks to jia xuan who was behind me and pushing me , so that i didn't stop or slowed down.
Thanks auntie for lending me money for dinner.. was damn hungry.

And Emily brought subway's cookie.. Ate like 2 double chocolate.. Nice.

0042 10dec

Today i down alone under the starless night.
And i wondered.
What have i done to deserve this?
You have no idea how much i envy people.
Till the extent it became jealousy.
Its just isn't fair.
Can't sleep.
No mood to do anything..
Even my favourite game seems unattractive.
Have i gone mad? How i wish i am.
Its just wasn't LOVE.

If its all dreams.Now wake me up.
If its all real.Just kill me. - Art Of Life, X JAPAN

7/12/08

2008-12-07T23:33:00.003+08:00

Does Dream Shows You What You Really Want. Or Does It Shows You What You Cannot Have.

Havent been blogging for quite awhile.

Spend most of my time looking at bikes and watching movies on crunchyroll.

Been rather restless lately..

Had a dream last night.

Definitely A Wonderful One..

But It Happened Twice.

The First Time It Happened.. Nothing Good Came Out In The End.

So i'm wondering if this is a bad omen too..

Rather sad. But i knew THAT wouldnt work out for me..

She is from venus , and i am from mars..

Neither one can survive in another atmosphere.

She is cold.While I am hot.

The Loves this . While i Loves That.

How can we co-exist together?

Earth?

Maybe Venus is too far away after all...

If i die tomorrow. Will i regret it?

Yes definitely. Because of 1 word called Love.

I am still a human after all...

Looking Into The Eyes Of Venus

4/12/08

2008-12-04T14:10:00.002+08:00

Class outing was Great.

Went Cycling to changi beach with nadiah , hock chun , tian boon , joanne and Haziq.
Half way Rained.
BBQ food was Above Average..
Had Fun.. Played Soccer..
East Coast Park . Pit 18 . Area C.
Took A cab in the morning There..
Cab Fare was 38 dollars..

Played Soccer at AMK today.. score was 9-2
We lost.. Its Alright.. its not the end of the world.

Looking Forward To Buying My First FreeRide Bike..

2008-11-30T00:29:00.002+08:00

Aww Man... it was Serene.. Not cheryl!!
She was there yesterday again..
Azmi saw her there..
Went to her 'MySpace'
Felt abit cheated.
Well i can't say she is those decent types.
How i wished she was one.

Just realised i have a very unique taste.
A taste for bad girls. Believe it.
Pretty Girls are dangerous...
TheWateringHole is closing on Jan09.
Wow that sucks!
Planned to go on christmas and during new year countdown.

Watched cheaper by the dozen 2 today. The childrens kept wanting to have what the rich kids are having. While on the other hand , the rich kids are wanting what the Baker's family is having.
Liked i said ' the grass always look greener on the outside.'
But i always believe ' The grass is greener , when you water it.'

Going to TWH soon..
Looking Forward to class outing...
Once again, hope to see her again at TWH.

28/11/08

2008-11-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

Woots.. haven been updating lately.. kind of bored and lazy.

Been spending most of my time killing zombies.. Till the extent that i can't sleep at night.
Kept having the images of me shooting the zombies down... blood and stuff everywhere..
But i'm still addicited to the killing! Its a good idea to distract my mind though..

Kept finding myself reading her blog again and again..
Reading the same old things.. over and over again..
Should i let it go? I think i should. It would be better this way.

Yesterday, Sherman;keith;azmi;leonard and me went to TheWateringHole at far east plaza. Before that ,walked around for couple of hours with leonard.. Bought A bag. (Ripped-Off)
TheWateringHole was Fun.. Great Music , Nice drinks and Hot chicks.
Did'nt drank much.. kind of low on cash.. Wanted to play shots.
Ended Up drinking kilkenny , an irish beer. And a Jug of Jack daniel's(shared).
Bill was $62. Roughly 16.50 per person. Relatively cheap..
Think i'm going again soon..
Anyway met sherman's friend there at the bar. Her name was Jolin.
She had 2 other female friends with her..
One of them , whom i thought was really pretty , or should i say cute.
Did'nt managed to strike a conversation with her. I think her name was cheryl(thats what i heard from her friends.) but azmi said he heard serene. But i'm sure it was cheryl! The 3 of them left quite early. Wasted!!!
Sherman when to chat with her alone when azmi and i went to the washroom.. I wanted to strike a conversation with her , but backed out last minute.. argh!!
But he did'nt ask for any of her particulars.. what was he thinking..
Really looking forward to my next visit to TheWateringHole..

And Hoping to see her there the next time..

22/11/08

2008-11-23T00:05:00.002+08:00

Added new stuffs to my Blog.

Wild World by Mr Big. Didn't knew it was so meaningful until yesterday.
Got up first thing in the morning and downloaded the song.
She said she didn't like rock. But this song really expressed what i want to say to her.
Just hope that she hears it.(lyrics from the song)

And it's breakin' my heart, you're leavin', baby I'm grievin'

But if you wanna leave, take good care.Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear.But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Hope you'll make a lot of nice friends out there,Just remember there's a lot of bad and beware.

Ooh baby, baby it's a wild world, it's hard to get by just upon a smile

Add X japan video for SAW IV. Visited her Blog yesterday.
She like punk and stuff.. and when i saw that SAW IV picture on her blog i thought of that video.
Spent most of my time today playing Albatross 18 and doing some tests with wahidah on blogthings.

Time to say goodbye to the World...

21/14/08

2008-11-21T23:17:00.002+08:00

First Post.

If only you could feel my pain.. maybe you wouldn't leave.
Maybe you wouldn't have said those things. Why did this happened?
Just because i was late? Or just because he was more fun to be with?
Or just because he is plain bad... I guess this doesn't matter anymore.
Whatever i said now. will it change anything? Will it change the future?
Everything that you've said , were they true from the depths of your heart?
Or was it just a lie? Was i just a tool that you used to kill your boredom?
And when you are done with it, you just throw it aside as you embrace your new found love?
I guess i was too navie. Who am i kidding? This was a one sided thing all along..
I don't think you even ever liked me.. I loved you whole-heartedly, yet you still left.
You were right.. this cannot be forced. Maybe it is destined. Whats the point of struggling when it hurt the more you struggle..
Its been a week since that faithful day.

My friend ask if i would wait for her.
I said yes. But does that matter now?
She wouldn't care much if i live or die.
Happy or sad.
All that is on her little mind is HIM
My foolishness got the better of me this time.
My slientscreams..
Will she be able to hear them?